The Monotony of Monogamy

 
The Internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another.

One Hundred posts and counting.

Lets start at the beginning, with the first ever calender, which is consequently the first ever post.
~"Wednesday, February 26, 2003

February 28th-"Gods & Generals" (PG-13)
March 7th-"Tears of the Sun" (R)
March 14th-"The Hunted" (R)
March 21st-"Dreamcatcher" (TBA)
March 28th-"The Core" (PG-13)
April 4th-"Ripley's Game" (R)
April 11th-"Anger Management" (PG-13 )
April 18th-"Holes" (PG)
April 25th-"Identity" (R)
May 2nd-"X²" (TBA)
May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R)
May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (TBA)
May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA)
May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA)
June 6th-"Master & Commander: Far Side of the World" (TBA)
June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA)
June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) "

Ah memories, horrible horrible memories let us never peak of some of those movies again. But the first review, that was something special, and it was also super short. Where did we go wrong?

~"Without Martin Sheen it felt like it was missing something, most notably Martin Sheen."

As true today, as it was when it was written. And then it all changed, chris came...

~"hey its the Bibblemiester
Looking Forward to May... X2,Lizzie, matrix, Brucey.. its gonna be awesome"

And it all went down hill from there, what was i thinking? Any ways here is the collection of swimfan, our favorite moive, to make fun of.

~"This is not a typo >NO STARS<"
~"Possibly my worst decision in my life"
~"The Worst Movie Of 2002
And The Phoby goes to... Swimfan nuff said"
~"AND THE FINAL AWARD FOR TONIGHT
The "I'd rather be going out with one of Justins girlfriends" award
And the Phoby goes to "Swimfan" for actually being THAT bad.......it really makes ya think"

But it was all fun and games until someone gets hurt

~"sorry guys, i actually liked this movie a lot, it was romantic and thrilling, i am tired of making fun of it, i really liked it."

WHAT?!? You've changed dan, it's like ur a different person.

~"HAHA OK SORRY I COULDNT KEEP TYPIN THAT BULL SHIT ANY LONGER"

Oh, Laugh Out Loud, you got me for a sec. Back to business, this next clip is what i feel is the best material this blog ever produced, that's kinda sad.

~"Worst Acting In A Feature Film
And The Phoby goes to... Hayden Christensen for his great work in Star Wars II, hopefully the replace him digitaly with a lamppost in Star Wars Episode III"
~"The That Remind Me of Kelly Award
And The Phoby goes to... Erika Christensen as Madison Bell for stalking.
Honorable Mention... That Whore in Gangs of New York (no shirt on)"

And then the Recruit came, and all the fun stopped, abruptly if i might add.

~"and definitally not have pants thrown at me like so much stale confetti"

And then the first and last idea we all agreed on, the fine ladies.

~"Also that chick was hot, and she got hotter as she got dirtier, culminating in her hottest moment at the end."
~"I loved how they kept it raining so her shirt would stay wet and how her shirt kept losing buttons."
~"It was a beautiful cinematic achievement."

Then there were 5 stars...

~"Schei?e" (stupid new version of blog)
~"Answering The Questions of Life, That Nobody Asked."
~"In conclusion this movie change my life, and it did it in spanish"
~"i practically died that day"
~"I think this some it up best, 'But i like it!'"
~so in conclusion, always give into peer pressure."
~"In conclusion, if a man offer you a ride in his car, i say take it."

Boy i make a lot of conclusion. Eh what are u goin to do. This next clip needs no intorduction, cause i dont feel like giving it one

~"There i was in the jungle of Cambodia"
~"Finally, and sadly, there were libral views expressed"

That was The Hunted for those of you unedumacated folk. MMM Dreams...

~"...was one race of aliens retarded and the other british or was i mistaken"
~"but I think they overdid it this time."

Up next the movie event of the century, or mabe even... the decade.

~"but we all know if the movie was called "Piglet's Goes Postal Ft. P to the Ooh" everyone would see it"
~"IF YOU SEE IT AND DONT LIKE IT, ITS COMMON FACT YOU ARE A HOMOSEXUAL"
~"I'm choosing to not watch such a GOOD movie"

It seems like two of us couldnt get enough, and one was intimidated by its amazingness. Then the phone rang...

~"BORING is not the right word"
~"The ending could have been handled much better"
~"the prostitute looking exactly like kelly"

but no on was there and i was like where is everyone, so we went to see spider.

~"It was too artsy though."
~"'And that bitch is slippin' to quote Ice Cube"
~"way to much symbolism in my book"

I think a circle is to much symbolism, but thats just me and my loathing of circularobjects. And the debate continues, y do we go to bham

~"It depends on what you like at the movies.....eardrum-piercing, often offensive adolescent screaming....or possible gang violence? You decide."

Ill decide u, umm segue?

~"But in the end it all boils down to... never trust a squirrel."
~"the movie was stupid....TO THE MAX"

But not to the MAX TO THE EXTREME. No that would be silly, just like our next flick HOLES. Lets start with something you may not have caught the first time around, i assure u its real.

~"Really liked the book, one of my all time favorite children's books along with Karl Marx and Frederick Engel's Manifesto Of The Communist Party"
~"it still was missing something..."
~"my guess is they weren't PC enough for Disney....ooo well."

Good times, but those good vibrations did not last long, because we say the movie no noe wanted to see. And it made me Angry.

~"This movie was a joke, and not a funny one"
~"I'm not gonna fall for that 'it was all a joke'"

Weird collabration on that one. It makes you think about y we say that movie, Than dan turned 16 and went on a binge-drug-party-orgy. Or as i like to call it we saw a movie.

~"I guess its a case of selective recall."
~"I still don't get it."

Better Luck Tomorrow rocked but as you will see some people wanted more.

~"there was no Kung-fu"
~"this movie did everything for me."

Are next clip is a much need thank u to chris, for not writing a preview to City of GOd, and thus upsetting the movie gods.

~"Thank you chris."

Who doesnt like lesbian? No one!

~"'cause nobody cares about Wisconsin, at all."
~"Where did Lizzie Maguire go on the calendar?!?!"
~"But other than that...perfect."

Yea that one didnt make a lick of sense at all. Hopefully this next one will, but dont get your hopes up. I am proud to present A Mighty Wind.

~"I guess i should stop writing before i get in some kind of trouble, with some kind of government agency."

And now a collection of post by people who dont stay long...

~"this is ishka's sister"
~"posted by the pope at 9:54 PM"
~"I am Kaz most will say that my ideas are crap"

Well kaz had his facts staright, and now a public service anouncement.

~"All i want is for people to make "G" movies again"

And i got my wish, but dan is a weird guy, as demonstrated by...

~"THE GREAT DEBATE"
~"James: FOLKS, THIS IS TOTAL CHAOS...NO ROO NO!!!!!"

And now a proverb...cause i like proverbs...

~"Chris is not a Communist... he may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist... but he is *not* a porn star!"

So tru. Its a fact that Down with Love was crap and how do i kno this u ask, well look right here...

~"Oh my, that wasn't right"

Without hurther adieu, the rattleing on about Matrix

~"well I can tell you now they're dead wrong"
~"The critics were not dead wrong"
~"maybe I have a thing for mutants."
~"whole kennu ass thing"
~"I got a weird thing for girls who say "aboot." "
~"it was entertaining"

Keanu, i think i love... whoa didnt kno... crap... cut to Bruce cut.

~"This movies isnt nearly as funny as it should have been, could have been, or thinks it is."
~"But the movie could have been better"

Full circle here is the new calender

~"July 11th-"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" (PG-13)
July 18th-"Bad Boys II" (TBA)
July 25th-"Exorcist: The Beginning" (TBA)
August 1st-"American Wedding" (TBA)
August 8th-"S.W.A.T." (TBA)
August 15th-"Freddy vs. Jason" (TBA)
August 22nd-"My Boss' Daughter" (TBA)
August 29th- "Highwaymen" (TBA)
September 5th- "Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star" (TBA)
September 12th- "Cabin Fever" (TBA)
September 19th- "Underworld" (TBA)
September 26th- "Secondhand Lions" (TBA)
October 3rd- "Scary Movie 3" (TBA)
October 10th- "Kill Bill" (TBA)
October 17th- "The Runaway Jury" (TBA)
October 24th- "Bad Santa" (TBA)
October 31st- "Alien: Re-Release" (R)
November 5th- "The Matrix Revolutions" (TBA)
November 7th- "Jersey Girl" (TBA)"

Mmm, now here is dan again in with his ironic hypocritical statements

~"real men don't take vacations"
~"i take vacations"

We end this journey on a high note, maybe the best movie to have jellyfish in it... thats right Finding Nemo

~"G-Larious"
~"orgasmic"

Until the next one hundred, The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.
posted by John at 12:07 PM