The Monotony of Monogamy

 
THe 2nd Annual Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia movie award spectacular!
Truly America's Greatest Honor

So many crappy movies where o where to begin?

Worst Special Effects in a Movie
And The Phoby goes to... The Medallion for the best sound ever
Honorable Mention... The Rundown for that explosion walk away scene, so craptascular

The That Remind Me of Kelly Award
And The Phoby goes to... Kelly actually was in Phone Booth so this was a no brainer, the whore
Honorable Mention... Zombie, yes she is a biter, at least thats what i hear

Most Nudity in a Movie Thats NOT Porn
And The Phoby goes to... Better Luck Tomorrow hookers galore
Honorable Mention... Dawn of the Dead, sure its not quantity but it is pointless

Best Use of a Circular Object Award In a Movie Award
And The Phoby goes to... Holes for roking the kazzbot
Honorable Mention... Lord of The Rings ROTK, a small little indie flick uve probly never heard of

The That IS Justin Award
And The Phoby goes to... That guy from Dawn of the Dead if u know "Where have u guys been?"
Honorable Mention... Zombie from Dawn of the Dead, if only they did less running

Most Things That Had to do with X-men in a Movie Award
And The Phoby goes to... X2 for being about Xmen
Honorable Mention...

Hey Thats Not Right Award
And The Phoby goes to... Freakish hybrid baby in Dawn of the Dead
Honorable Mention... Jersey Girl for being not right

Best Scenery for a Movie
And The Phoby goes to... D-TOWN ie Robocop, i mean Narc
Honorable Mention... Phone Booth for its stellar depiction of itself in Phone Booth

Best Horror Flick that is not Dawn of the Dead because that makes it fair Award
And The Phoby goes to... Identity for have Ray Liotta automatic award
Honorable Mention... Freddy vs Jason for bringing me bake to my roots as a deranged psycopath

Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread
And The Phoby goes to... Blood brought to you by Kill Bill
Honorable Mention... Better Luck Tomorrow for asian peeps

Worst Remake of a Film Made Along Time Ago
And The Phoby goes to... Italian Job for having Marky Mark in it and not being a porno

Best Remake of a Film Made Along Time Ago
And The Phoby goes to... Dawn of the Dead

That Movie Is SOO Bad it Actually Makes Its Classic Predessor A Little Worse
And The Phoby goes to... Dumb and Dumberer, Why Lord Why

Worst Movie Experience Ever
And The Phoby goes to... City of God thank you Christopher

The SuperHero Movie that Should Have Never Been Made Award
And The Phoby goes to... LXG for being itself, which is realy bad
Honorable Mention... Hulk cause ever time i saw the hulk i couldnt get the picture of Ang Lee doing the mocap for him HIlarious
Honorable Mention... Underworld while i dont think it was a superhero movie per se it did suck

Best Movie Experience Ever
And The Phoby goes to... X2 for letting us know their are HOTT lesbains in the world

The I mIss Martin Sheen
And The Phoby goes to... Myself i know he is associated with the sinister side but i love the little guy

The Justins Next GF Award
And The Phoby goes to... When justin goes to jail see Butterfly Effect minus the killing
Honorable Mention... any one of the fucked up chicks from thirteen

Hey wait a Sec this Should Suck
And The Phoby goes to... Freaky Friday for not sucking
Honorable Mention... S.W.A.T also did not suck and was supposed to

Why Sequels Are The Epitamy of Everything Wrong In The World
And The Phoby goes to... Bad Boys II not even roman numerals could save this one
Honorable Mention... Matrix Revoultions for being the worst conclusion in the History of the world
Honorable Mention... Matrix Reloaded for leading into the train wreak that is the movie above it

Johnny Depp Obligatory Award
And The Phoby goes to... Pirates of the Carribean cause although it sucked my namesake kicks ass
Honorable Mention... Secret Window see above

Best Movie That Almost Taught Me Something
And The Phoby goes to... Miracle for teaching only hockey can topple communism
Honorable Mention... Dawn of the Dead for teaching you must shoot zombies in the head thank you

Best Animated Feature Film That is NOT Porn
And The Phoby goes to... Finding Nemo cause i love thee
Honorable Mention... Piglet's Big Movie cause like their were no others like

Worst Romantic Comedy
And The Phoby goes to... Down With Love
Honorable Mention... Alex and Emma

Best Movie with God starring as a Lead
And The Phoby goes to... The Passion of the Christ for being antisemitic
Honorable Mention... Bruce Almighty for getting it right God is Black

The Only Thing That Our Reviewers Have Ever Agreed Upon
And The Phoby goes to... Hot Chick From Tears of the Sun and the amazing effects of cinematography

Ok That Doesnt Make Any Sense
And The Phoby goes to... Spider cause i dont get it
Honorable Mention... Dreammaker for british aliens and so on

Just Cause i Started It Doesnt Mean i Have To Finish It Award
And The Phoby goes to... Dan for the Horrow Movie Fiasco
Honorable Mention... Dan for His Top 25

Wait a Second What The Fuck Are You Talking About
And The Phoby goes to... Kaz for his review of assumably Shawshank Redemption, he forgot to ever say the name of the movie, a little typo
Honorable Mention...Passion for not speaking in ebonics, which is are national language

Worst Adam Sandler Movie Award
And The Phoby goes to... Anger Management when while adam learn he is cant keep making movies like this before God himself comes down and smites him
Honorable Mention... 50 First Dates Adam Sandlershould just make trailers and never release an actual movie, maybe that would work

Thats One Big Horse P****s
And The Phoby goes to... Seabicuit for having the nerve to get people to stand up and clap during the movie, hello people the actors cant hear you

The Tara Reid Award
And The Phoby goes to... American Wedding why wasnt she in this why did this movie suck the answers are on in the same
Honorable Mention... My Bosses Daughter why wasnt their nudity in this why did this movie suck sooooo much , i dont know god hates us

June 6th A Day That Will ln Infamy
And The Phoby goes to... Master And Commander for ruining a perfectly good day

The Jackie Chan Please Retire Award
And The Phoby goes to... The Medallion

Greatest Review Award
And The Phoby goes to... Y Tu Mama Tambien by myself go read it it really is

The Reason the World Will End Award
And The Phoby goes to... The Hulks ummm bulge in his tight purple pants
Honorable Mention... House of 1000 Corpses it will happen to you!

Most Rockingest Movie EVER!
And The Phoby goes to... School of Rock i believe

The Worst Movie of the Year
And The Phoby goes to... Love Actually holy shit wat an over hyped left wing crap shoot if only we just had a little love, avoid this movie with extreme prejudice
Honorable Mention... Let us see we got, The Medallion, Down with Love, Dumb and Dumberer, Alex and Emma, Spy Kids3D, and the classic My Bosses Daughter

Best Picture
And The Phoby goes to... Lord of the Rings ROTK for concluding the best trilogy in the history of movies and also being the best movie in that trilogy, Sequels kick ass
Honorable Mention... Better Luck Tomorrow, Kill Bill, thirteen, The Passion, Dawn of the Dead, School of Rock, and one of my all time favs Finding Nemo

I think i can honestly say this has been the best year in the history of Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, Whats next for the hippo? a feature film now i only have one thing to say about that, its only a rumor... and all rumors are true.

Good Night
posted by John at 4:17 PM