The Monotony of Monogamy

 
Let's see how much this one will gross with a 5 day weekend.

Spider-Man 2


My main grievance with this movie is this: Too much plot, too little action. Yeah, OK. Spider-Man finds himself yadda yadda yadda, so on and so forth. But the main villain, D'Octopus was only on screen for like 40 minutes. And most of that time was plot building. Overall, there was probably only about 10-15 minutes of actual fighting.

I wont spoil too much of the plot for you, seeing as it is the major part of this movie. But the jist of it is this: Peter Parker struggles to find himself, while Doc Ock tries to blow up NYC. Mary Jane gives up on Peter and is engaged to John Jameson, who, as Spider-Man fans should know, brings Venom back from space. If you didn't know that, I'm sorry, but I probably just ruined the plot of Spider-Man 3.

After Googling for "spiderman villains" I found this informative site:
http://www.efavata.com/CBM/Spiderman3.htm

And I quote . . .
"while in space J.J. Jameson's son will be infected by some weird alien organism. The alien will travel back to earth with him and J.J. Jameson's son will either become VENOM or Peter will be infected with VENOM and go on a rampage. Either way Spider Man will have to KILL J.J. Jameson's son/Mary Jane's husband in the end, which will bring Peter and Mary-Jane back together again. "

I already see some things wrong with that. However I will not point them out to those of you who have not seen Spider-Man 2. Once you have seen it, the faults will become clear.

So there definitely is going to be a Spider-Man 3, no surprise there. And it looks like Harry will be 'involved', along with Venom, and possibly, though this might be too much for one movie, Doc Connors (Peter's professor) as Lizard. We shall see on May 4, 2007, so says the site.

Overall: I give this movie a half barrel of monkeys. It's still good and all, but it's not as much fun as a full barrel of monkeys.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter 8, Verse 52:
I'm not the Budweiser Donkey, but I approved this message.

*Note: all my Spdier-Man knowledge was based on the cartoon tv show which I watched in the wee hours of my saturday mornings of my youth.
posted by Dave at 11:22 PM

 
Sneak attack!

Pohl's Perfectly Purple Puesday Preview

"But why on Tuesday?" you ask. It's simple: The movie comes out Wednesday (That's tomorrow for all you non-day-knowing people)

Spider-Man 2



Staring:
Tobey Maguire - Pete Parker / Spider-Man
Kirsten Dunst - Mary Jane
Alfred Molina - Dr. Otto Octavius / Doc Ock
James Franco - Harry Osborn

In this movie, Peter Parker sturgles with keeping his secret identity hidden. His main nemisis in this episode is Doctor Octavius, a man merged with machine. Peter has to use all of his powers to stop Doc Ock and right the world once again.

Rotten Tomatoe Stats:
Rating: 96% - Fresh
74 Positive Reviews
3 Negative Reviews

Just look at those overwhelming numbers, and numbers never lie. You just have to consider where the numbers came from: These are the same critics that gave Fahrenheit 9/11 a 84% rating. Critics know little to nothing about movies, so we'll just have to go see it and write our own reviews. (In case you're completely oblivious, that's what we do here.)
posted by Dave at 11:14 PM

 
Amazing-combination-of-fruits-mixed-all-together-and-baked is getting better by the day.

The Terminal

What's as good as Tom Hanks stranded on a desert island for 3 hours? Tom Hanks stranded in an airport for 2 hours.

The Steven Spielberg / Tom Hanks combo has produced one of my favorite movies and one of my favorite TV mini-series, so I expected big things from this movie. In this concoction of talent, Tom Hanks is stuck in an airport because his country is having itself a good old fashioned revolution. Clearly Steven wanted to write a movie about someone living in an airport, but he didn't know how to get him there; this was his reason. During the course of the movie, we see Tom live out his daily airport life. Including work, relaxation, love, and run ins with the po-po.

As expected, this movie was pure gold. It is the best movie about a man living at Gate 67 I have ever seen. It was humorous, yet touching; sad, but happy; crazy, yet believable.

Overall: I give this movie a trip to the zoo. Yea, it might not sound all that good right now, but once you get there, you'll enjoy yourself.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter 19, Verse 42:
The quickest way to a man's heart is not good food. It is with a sharp knife.


P.S. Tusk has been rescued from the Kroger parking lot. The Lime fled from the scene and is yet to be heard from.
posted by Dave at 11:55 PM

 
Dodgeball

Never fear. The cosmic fool is here

Classic. So much fun packed into so little movie. Who wouldve suspected this movie was as funny as it was, i dont care what she is that dike can throw. HI larious, easily the funniest movie since finding nemo, which was possible the greatest movie about finding nobody in history. This movie never forgot what it was, a movie about dodgeball not the english patient or god save us, gasp, a beautiful mind, that hurts to even say. I seriously doubt anchorman will top this comedy of comedies, it had everything, sexual jokes, amazing cameo including the greatest cameo ever ie david hasselhof brillant, vince vaughn, hank azaria, allbeit not enuff of prof frink, hot chicks, pirates making this infinitely better than pirates of the carribean, shatner, and dangerous situations. Hve u ever noticed how movies use their explanations of the mpaa ratings as advertisments, like non stop dodgeball action, hilarious situations, and ben stiller somehow explain the pg-13 rating. But why? She's such a fox.
****/*****

June 25th- "The Terminal" (PG-13)
July 2nd- "Spider-Man 2" (PG-13)
posted by John at 2:26 PM

 
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story


Wow. Wowwy wow wow, wow.[/Christopher Walkin voice]

Plot: Since I wasn't expecting much from the plot, I wasn't dissapointed in it. But since I have not seen another, better dodgeball related movie, this is the best one. Clearly, the good guys have to win, and they do. (Sorry if that spoiled anything for you)[And if it did, you are not an expert movie predictor]

Casting: Im going to pull a Kozhwuf here and combine words to describe it: Swee-mazinga-awesome. Most movies are content with 2-3 big names, and some smaller names, not this movie. Ben Stiller is the bad guy (for once) and Vince Vaughn is his counterpart, the good guy. Christine Taylor plays the "lesbian" ;) lawyer who joins the Average Joe team. Those are the Big 3 of this movie. Ah d, ah d, ah d, ah dat's not all folks. We also have (drum roll please) Milton from Office Space! Steven Root is a member of the Average Joe team, Gordon. Hank Azaria appears as a young dodgeball player. For those of you saying "Who is Hank Azaria?" (No Krach, it's not 'Who is, Hank Azaria?'), you need to brush up on your Simpson voice actors. He voices for Apu, Moe, Comic Book Guy, Chief Wiggum, and Clettus, just to name a few. But wait! The fun doesn't stop there. Rip Torn appears as an older Hank and teaches the Average Joe team to play hardcore dodgeball. Wait . . . Here come's more recognizable faces, inclulding: David Hasselhoff as a German team coach, William Shatner as the head Dodgeball guy, Chuck Norris as a dodgeball comitee member, and Lance Armstrong as an inspiration to Vince to get back in the game. Alot of the cast will be reapearing in Anchorman, which looks just as good.

Humorous Aspect: Soooo many one-liners. I might have to go watch it again and write them all down in my handy-dandy notebook (which was not with me at the time). Most of the lines were stupid jokes, such as "You're about as usefull as a poop flavored popcicle." Not the most elegant way of putting it, but oh so funny. They went most of the movie without swearing, a rarity now-a-days. But they just couldn't keep it together. Every PG-13 movie can use the F word once, and they just couldn't refuse. After you see this movie, stick around for the credits. There's a secret scene that I know you would love to see.

Overall: I give this movie a clown on his mini bicycle; simply put, hi-larious. Go see this movie if you are a fan of stupid jokes and situational humor, not literaray comedy.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter 12, Verse 34:
If at first you dont succeed, sky diving isn't for you.
posted by Dave at 9:17 PM

 
Yes it is time. Time once again for:

Pohl's Perfectly Purple Pursday Preview

The Movie of the Week is

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Rated PG-13 for rude and sexual humor, and langauge



Every other sport has gone professional and or extreme, now its Dodgeball's turn. You remember the game where all the athletic kids teamed up and beat the fat and gumpy kids, just like every other sport. But in this movie, a team of those same athletic kids, though now adults, get involved in some crazy competitve dodgeball action. Ben Stiller leads the team of "athletes", while Vince Vaughn leads the team of "non-athletes". And judging from the title, Vince Vaughn is victorious (ah alliteration is fun).

Including those two funny guys, the cast is a pretty good one. Rip Torn is kind of like Christopher Walken. You can put him in a shitty movie, but gosh darn it, he'll make it funny anyway.

Rotten Tomatoe Stats:
62% - Fresh (Wow, a movie the critics liked. Maybe it sucks?)
23 positive reviews
14 negative

Looks like we have a good movie coming our way. It could be the last one for a while. We will just have to see.
posted by Dave at 11:15 PM

 
Saved!

The John Paul II of movies

I enjoyed this movie, i dont care i enjoyed the movie. It did make fun of fundametalism and obviously chris took this to heart, but it wasnt really that mean to catholics or any one. It was a the everyday teen movie cliche plot but wat movie has an original plot? Their is no denying the quality of the acting or the hilarity of the opening scenes. Including "She found all that out from a test". Big Mean Joe Rayles would be in heaven if the ending were cut out, and he probly wouldnt get the moral anyways. Saved! was a fresh break from the crap thats been slowly comin out of hollywood. This movie isnt goin to win any oscars but it isnt garfield, and it is worth the price of admission. The two directions of dislike for this movie our as follow, you either dont like it almost is a satire of christainity, or you dont like it cause it didnt make fun of xtains enough, or you dont care either way and you love mandy moore. Guess were i fit in. In conclusion if you cant laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at, besides justin?
***/*****

June 18th- "Dogdeball" (PG-13)
June 25th- "The Terminal" (TBA)
July 2nd- "Spider-Man 2" (PG-13)
posted by John at 8:16 PM

 
Well seeing as Dan is implimenting some new things, I think I'll revive a dead one. Yes, I have decided to steal Koz's Thursday Preview (with his permission).

Pohl's Perfectly Purple Pursday(thats Thursday, but with a P for alliteration effet)Preview

Since I still have not heard which movie we are seeing, the first edition of P^5 will be a double feature. Now I know you're excited, and thats OK, just sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.


Posibility #1

The Chronicles of Riddick

This movie is the sequel of Pitch Black, which was released 4 years ago. Both movies star Vin Diesel as Richard B. Riddick, a intergallactic fugitive. This time around, Vin saves a few more people, then gets in an "apocalyptic battle" with some Lord guy.

I agree with Dan in his statement that "I'm tired of all these crappy action movies."

Rotten Tomatoe's compilation of review statistics:(edited)
27% - Rotten
7 positive reviews - 19 negative
Average Rating: 4.4/10

Keep in mind these statistics are as of 6:00 today and will probably get worse as more people see the movie.



Posibility #2

Garfield

Who hasn't heard of Garfield? Better question - who doesn't love Garfield? If you're the jackass with his hand up, put it down, you know you're lieing. Garfield is one of the best cartoon strips ever written/drawn. Now Garfield is in movie format, fit for our viewing pleasure. In this movie, we go back in time. Jon Arbuckle has just adopted Odie and Garfield hates that. He wants Odie out(haha, more alliteration). But now that Odie was taken away, Garfield feels guilty and goes out to find him. That is the premise of this movie. Like it, love it, hate it, do whatever; that's the way it is.

Jim Davis is a genius, pure and simple. The fact that he is in on the production of this movie is a +. The fact that Garfield is now a CG cat is a -. But if Jim had drawn out the movie, it probably wouldn't come out until early 2048.

Rotten Tomatoe Stats:
15% - Rotten (Oof, that's gotta hurt)
4 positive reviews - 23 negative
Average Rating: 3.6/10


All of the pre-release reviews are from writers of magazines, newspapers, and online sources. These are the people who I've found know little to nothing about what I like in a movie.

Well that's it for the first edition of P^5.
- Goodnight, and have a pleasant tomorrow.


posted by Dave at 2:32 PM

 
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Before my time is done I will look down on your corpse and smile

What is so special about this? Its not that fun and or zanny. I now realize i havent been missing anything in the past years of Harry Potter avoidance, he just got to hard to avoid. Pesky little kid. Honestly though "it never ends." It just keeps goin, everyone said this one was short, comparatively to the first 2, but it just doesnt stop. The plot, while to children maybe revolutionary, is quite basic. The specail effect while mostly are quite sweet, at some points are just shameful, like the scene when the kids are running, suuper fasst like. Since i have no other potter knowledge to critic it with, or even to understand it with, i cannot compare it to the other movies, but i will say i was extremely dissapointed, extremely. Why is this so damn popular. Its just a book. It cant be that good either given the movie that was produced. Dont fret though, while harry may be popular now it cant last forever, once this generation grows up the next willn't be willing to read the obscene amount of book jk rowling will have produced by that time and the mythos will die. In conclusion while mildly entertaining to youngins if ur over 14 i would suggest skipping this movie, unless of course ur a pothead. And another thing hermine or watever is gunaa b super hot in a few years. woot woot. And Harry Potter and and all his friends went straight to hell for practicing witchcraft. Yeaaaa
**/*****

June 11th- "Chronicles of Riddick" (PG-13)
June 18th- "Dogdeball" (PG-13)
June 25th- "The Terminal" (TBA)
July 2nd- "Spider-Man 2" (PG-13)
posted by John at 2:15 PM

 
Books, they aren't just for reading anymore:

Harry P(lightning bolt)otter and the Prisoner of Azkaban [thats #3 for you non-Potter fans. . . *cough*Balch*cough*]

First off, Woooooo!!!! Harry Potter!!!!!

Secondly - H.P.!!!!!!!!!! WoOoOoOoOoOoOo!!!!!!!!!!

Ok Im done. On to the review!

Another movie with midgets? This seems to be the reoccuring theme this year. Doompa-loompas in Van Helsing, Soompa-loompas in Shrek 2, and now a midget wizard choir in HP3! Sweeeeeet.

Plot: The Harry Potter books are some of the most entertaining books, even if they are ment for kids. Aren't we all kids at heart? Since this movie is based on a good book, just like the first 2, it has a good, though somewhat tricky, plot

Characters: Daniel Radcliffe as HP is very believable because he's already a confused Brittish teenager. Rupert Grint is the loveable sidekick Ron. After seeing Lindsey Lohan as Hermione, no one can really compare. Sorry Emma, you did your best, but if Lindsey were Brttish, she would've been Hermione. Richard Harris, we miss thee as Professor Albus Dumbledore, but Michael Gambon did a good job replacing you.

Special Effects: Well the magic part was well done. The patronus spell was exactly how I pictured it, except it didn't blind my mind. The magical creatures were very well done, it was almost like Buckbeak jumped right out of my head and onto the screen. Bra-vo. But I did not know that Dementors carried Nitrous oxide with them? They're supposed to suck the life out of things, not freeze them. Water has no life, therefor it should not be affected by the Dementors. True, they gave Harry an icy feeling, but they didn't freeze him, they scared him.

Bone Picking Time: Main beef: the ending sequence. The book does not end with Harry blurring his face in the sky. No, it ends with Harry meeting back up with his Uncle and going home. But even before that; Hagrid is the one who tells Harry that Lupin is leaving, as it is Harry just kind of walks in. Once in the office, several of Dumbledore's lines were given to Lupin thus allowing Dumbledore to be cut completely from the scene. On the train home (not even in this movie, it better be in #4) Harry gets a letter from good ol' Sirius and Ron gets a new pet. I can see why Alfonso wanted to keep this scene for the next movie (<---assumption: and it better be true *fist shake*). There were most likely other scenes missed/skipped/rewritten, but seeing as I haven't read the book in 5 years . . . I didn't notice. But I'll be reay next time. 2005, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (filming started 3/22/04),I'm going to start reading it now so I can finish it by the time the movie comes out.


Overall: I give this movie a Nike sponsored "Just do it!" Even if you dont want to see it, just do it. If you have anything left of a childish imagination and thirst for magical adventure you will like it.


Book of The Wise Pohl Chapter 3, Verse 3:
And the Pohl said, "I wish I was a wizard. Poof, Abrakadabrah, Zippity-Zoopity-Zoo, *other various magical sounds*"
posted by Dave at 10:16 PM

 
The Day After Tomorrow

The day those damn liberals are banking on

Ok lets examine why this movie was the biggest disapointment since sliced bread, im sorry it just wasnt wat i expected, sliced bread of course. First f all it was boring, how can a movie about the destruction of the known world be boring, i dont kno but dennis quaid has something to do about it and dick cheney's body double. And the speech at the end please god take me now. Its not like they could have done anything. I know i wouldnt believe some crackpots theroy on why his son hates him and the known world will be thrown into a ice age. And also the world is destroyd in like an hour, the rest of the time we have to pay attention to the crazy plot that is so stupid it is almost painful. And the scene with the wolves is with out question the dumbest scene in the history of cinee's. I mean come on it seems like it was just tack on. Like someone said "I like wolves, could we put wolves here", "Um is that the best idea ever or wat, who doesnt like wolves, but how can we add them in, we already ended filming?", "Well how bought we add a scene in the beginning were wolves escaped so it will seem like we have been planning this from the start." I also wouldnt be surprised if this was the case for the leg injury that doesnt seem to show up until one scene and the injury is conviently spliced in. Ahhhh this movie is no independence day, i.d.4 didnt have any stupid liberal tag, like "i was wrong the aliens just wanted to bring us healthcare and show us the downfall of capitalists" oh holly wood when will u learn.
*/*****

Shrek 2

Is there work that needs doing?

OVERRATED! Honestly its not that good. In fact it was quite mediocre until the second half. Luckily then it picked it up but seriously the first act wasnt good, the tried so hard to make this sequel have a purpose , but it hasnt one and it doesnt need one. Dont get me wrong their were some truly funny parts like the pepper and the giant gingerbread man and i also like the "hero" karoake. But that opening song was eh? i mean sure it was not smash mouth , nothin could be that terrible. What in gods name were they thinking putting that thing in a movie. I do have to admit this movie was better than the original, which i also thought was overrated. 2 did have funnier moments and better characters and was all around better. Puss in boots was a definite highlight, and needs a spinoff. Even donkey wasnt as godawfully annoying as he was in the original. The biggest downside? Fiona, she doesnt work for me, the voice doesnt fit with the body, and the body just isnt fit. Personally i dont think the shrek movies will survive the test of time, they just rely a little to much on current pop culture. Long live the puss. N.S. Harry Potter might just be scarier than Arachibutyrophobia, might?

June 4th- "Harry Potter" (PG)
June 11th- "Chronicles of Riddick" (TBA)
June 18th- "Around the World in 80 Days" (TBA)
June 25th- "Garfield" (TBA)
July 2nd- "Spider-Man 2" (TBA)
posted by John at 7:34 PM