The Monotony of Monogamy

 
AH! Friday the 13th! Triskaidekaphobia!

Alien Verses Predator

We need more Vs. movies. Let me refrase that; We need more good Vs. movies. This was not one of them.

The plot is overly simplistic. Predators come to Earth every so often to hunt Aliens. The humans were lured to the pyramid to become hosts for the Alien spawn, so the hunt could continue. The phrase 'No matter who wins . . . We lose.' is total B.S. If the Predators win, they leave and come back in a hundred years. If the Aliens win, well we'll all probably have our chests used as a home for baby aliens. I'd root for the Predators.

The crew that was going to explore the pyramid started out relatively large. I'd say 20-30 people. 66.66(repeating)% of these people were killed very quickly. Although it was deduced that the Predators were hunting Aliens, not humans, they still killed a bunch of us before they even went down into the ice. The rest of the crew was killed by a combination of trixy pyramid action, Alien face huggers, and crazy Predators. There were orginally 3 Predators that came to Earth, but an Alien got 2 of them early on. So now its 3 humans, 1 Predator, and a shit load of Aliens, including a captive queen. 2 more humans bite the preverbial dust. And another one's gone, another one's gone, another one bites the dust. Note to self: No more singing in reviews. Check.

But wait, we've figured out the reason the Predators are going psyco on the humans. We stole their shoulder cannons. Should have listened to the Italian guy when he told them not to take them, 5 minutes after they took them. So now the last remaining human give el Predatoro his cannon back and he proceeds to dominate a few Aliens. Oh no, what's that? The queen is calling the rest of the Aliens to free her? Ok. So they use their acid spit stuff to corode the chains and such holding the queen. Now the two new best friends have to kill the queen and prevent it from reaching civilization. I wont spoil the rest of it for you, because if you can't guess what's going to happen (for the most part) you dont belong in the movie predicting buisness.

Both ETs seemed to be downsized for this movie. The Aliens were stupider, and the Predators were weaker (maybe that was because they were on the hunt to prove themselves? I dont know. I think that would be giving the writers too much credit for this which they call a script). It might been a sign when the actors/resses from the original movies wont do the new one, that it might be bad (a la Dumb and Dumberer). Another thing that bugged me: they were in Antarctica, yet when they spoke, there was no visable breath. They were in sub-zero temperatures, yet never, never, was there any frost breath.

Overall: I give this movie food from food comercials. Sure, it's real food (its the law). Sure, you could eat it. But it definately looks better than it is. When you see it on TV, its the best burger you've ever seen. But when you go to buy it, its the scrawniest, dullest burger you've seen in your life.

The Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter Number, Verse Number#2:
And he said, "Play the best song, in the land, or I'll eat your souls."

Now we wait for AvP2. It will be so bad, the predator and the alien will refuse to be in it.
posted by Dave at 10:00 PM