The Monotony of Monogamy

 
MASSIVE MOVIE UPDATE!!!!!

When 5 Exclamtions points aren't enough!

its been a long time but its worth it. a hippo exclusive massively humongous movie review post chronicling months of movie, many i may have forgoten about.hmm where do i begin? Ah yes the beginning

Exorcist: The Beginning

I saw this a very long time ago and i dont think i reviewed it? And in my summation statements, it blowed. The movie had no point. And in the end they threw in the devil, and then kept the movie running for another hour, why, possibly out of spite for my sanity. This is an example of why you dont make sequels to good movie, expecially not prequels. Has their even been a good prequel, i cant think of one. All prequels are the reiterations of something we already know to make more money. Thats kinda grotesque. Wheres the end? The star wars sequls are a mockery to the originals, hell even the remastered star wars are a mockery to the originals. This movie, i must admit had me almost likeing it at the start, and then it went nowhere meant nothing and had a retarded plot that made me want to kill jerry bruckheimer (note: jerry bruckheimer had nothing to do with this movie i just really hate him.)
**/*****

Hero

w00t Japanese people roxorz my boxorz. Actually this was one of the better movies if seen in my disaperence from the hippo. but that was mostly due to the broshack, which hasnt really turned out to be wat it should have so im back, in black. This is not Crouching Tiger, and thank god cause that movie got boring as hell at that one point, o you know what im talking about. This movie is however pretty artsy in its battles and in its slymbolic color settings. The use of multiple flashbacks showing what couldhave, or maybe happened is pretty cool and is very intriguing, although it can be a little repititive. It is a good story and a good ending, who cares if it came out 2+ years ago.
****/*****

Team America: World Police

I still quote this movie, albeit its mostly MATT DAMON!, i still do. Granted the makers of south park are genius' but they can be a little hit or miss, as shown in some of the south park episodes of late. These guys can be right on sometimes and be pure hilariousness. And Tre Parker is also a musical genius. How do you think of this stuff, seriously, where does he get this stuff from. And some of the jokes in this movie are so good its scary. And thank god this movie didnt get to political, cause it could of killed it. The movie played off both sides of politics, but luckily enough i felt most of the shots were at the left i.e. evil and communist side. All in all this movie is a comedy classic, thank god for those songs.
****/*****

Polar Express

Right before i saw this movie i read the book, guess how long it took me, probly 5 minutes. And then i saw the movie, guess how long that took me, too friggin long. Seriously how can u possibly make a tiny illustrated kid book boring? I dont know how you do it but well thank god they did. And when i like to see a movie i like it when more than one actor is in it. Tom Hanks is like 8 friggin people, seriously thats overkill, ur a good actor not 8 good actors. Sure the movie had a message, but i think i lost it in that crazy elf warehouse. well maybe im being to hard on this christmas movie thats realeased so far away from christmas, but this isnt goin to become a uberholiday calssic thats shown 24-7 on a cable channel, why because its not that memorable. At least to me, maybe it is to a 7 year old. On a side note how funny would it have been if santa's workshop was really a forced labor camp, ie schindlers list. I dunno why i thought of that, but it just came to my mind when i saw the movie and i still remember it?
**/*****

The Grudge

Ah yes the cookie cut horror movie that forgets one thing, the plot. Sure this movie has its cast of lovable ghouls and demons but in the end it doesnt make any friggin sense at all! Come on people is it to much to ask to have a plot that at least kinda makes sense. not just a series of scenes where a editor sayed "you know wat would be scary?" yea its a little creepy, but u get over it fast, when your confused as hell as to whats happening in the movie. maybe this was a result of the director not speaking english or maybe the editor chopped some crucial scene that makes the whole movie complete, im guessing on the former. This movie made me want to make a movie, cause i kno i could do better.
*/*****

Spongebob Squarepants

Hey this movie was oddly enjoyable. i mean i know the little guy prefers the company of men but god i love the little sponge. And this movie had some really funny stuff in it, and some not reallt funny stuff in it. The movie is perverted enough to be enjoyed by teens and kiddy enough for kiddies. All in all see the movie if u like spongebob, which i find a lot of people do, but if u hate the little bugger stay away from this like u would a leper in the 1st century

Five*****Star*****Collection
Saving Civilains... Five Stars at a Time

The Incredibles
Crush the lesser races. Conquer the galaxy. Incredible power, unlimited rice pudding, et cetera, et cetera.

Bravo Pixar. i want to have your babies. Your so damn good. You put all other animated movies to shame. Especially those "other" computed animated movies, including shrek. Even your shorts are amazin, i dont care what you say, i love that boundin sheep. The whole movie was spectacular and mesmerizing. The amazing amount of work put into this movie really shows, the attention to detail is spectacular. The whole movie is spectacular. Im my opinion this is on par with nemo, and i love nemo, and on par with toy story. I was never a huge fan of toy story 2, ive only seen it once and dont fully remember it. But i cant say enough of this movie, and the fact that more people saw national tresure than it this week sickens me to the maxX
*****

Alexander

This movie, which most of my friends hated, possibly loathed, i fell isnt that bad. It kept me in my seat, i was content watching the movie. I never felt bored or want to burn myself though out the 3 hour, sure it dragged on at times, but thats to be expected. Angelina Jolie still has really big lips, and Colin Farell is still a mediocre verging on good actor. Oliver stone is a good director. And in the end this movie is just mediocre. Its about Alexander the Great, the movie just wastn grand enough. This guy was a remarkable man, he conquered like the whole known world. how many people can say theve done that. The movie kinda downplays his accomplishments and focus' on his character traits. Making your man character unlikable isnt a good thing. All in all this movie kept me complacent for 3 hours when i could have gotten into mischief
***/*****

Closer

Im catching up to the crowd. How many people are still reading? This has taken a long time, i should be writting for hinch, but screw her and that paper. Now you may have percieved this movie as a chick flick, and at first galnce it seems that way but only a little bit in to it you find it is far from it. This is one of the most perverted and sexually open movie i have ever seen. Their are so many parts that can distrub and corrupt a young mind. some people even left at one part, a part i found most funny. This is another hit or miss movie, if ur like me and like kinda artsy yet funny movies you will enjoy yourself here. but if you dont like your movies artsy at all or are mindless action machine, you wont like this movie. Give this one a try, i was surprised and maybe you will be to. Those brits are years ahead of us in dirty language, its kinda shameful. And guess wat natalie portman can act, it really is all geogre lucas' fault
****/*****

Ocean's Twelve

It was a fun movie till you reach the end. So stupid. It really hurts its replay value, i mean thats just a stupid ending. But in the beginning it moves along nicely with only a few step ups. I mean when you have this many talented actors its really hard to mess up. And brad pitt is so hott, admit it. denial is the first step. the sad part is the movie has too many actors, they dont know wat to do with them so the periodically just leave an actor away from the action for the whole movie. Catherine Zeta-Jones is a welcome addintion, mostly because she is uber hott, ans because shes probly on screen more than any one else. In summation the movie ruins itself at the end, but it had a good run while it lasted
***/*****

heres where new calender would be, but i need to watch simpsons!

posted by John at 6:40 PM