The Monotony of Monogamy

 
The Four Movies leading to the apocalypse!!!!!!


Cursed

And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.

STUPID MOVIE ALERT! Now i know this may be to late for some but its not to late for the rental crowd. This movie isnt good. But it has Christina Ricci, she was hot in casper and i have a odd sexual atraction to her? Stay away i tell you she is a devil woman. But it has Wes Craven, WES craven, hes like pretty good right? NO, your only as good as your last flick, so Wes Craven sucks. But i like Werewolves? No you don't, why would you lie to yourself. Save yourself some money and catch an old werewolf movie on like amc on halloween. It will probly have a more believable werewolf plot. I mean how old is this story, girl meets guy, girl turns to werewolf, guy is already a werewolf, and theirs another werewolf. Stop me when it gets interesting. And a happy ending. It's a horror movie not a friggin romantic comedy, make it scary or better yet entertaining. And is it just me or is CG ruining movies. Very few movies, LOTR, can pull off adding CG monsters into a real live movie, it just doesnt work. Matilda Anyone?
**/*****


Robots

And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat thereon to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.

Wooot. Someone up their likes Computer Animated movies, their always a hit. even when their not good. i mean look at Shark Tale. im sorry that was low. All i know is this movie out told toy story, out swam finding nemo, was more incredible than the incredibles, made more sense than the ring 2. Okay all those were lies except one. I'll give u a hint... its the ring 2. But how could this movie fail, it had a bigillion famous actors and actresses, it had robin williams and you didnt have to see his hairy naked body. And yes that would have made the movie worse. Slightly. Its a typical story of broken dreams... but with ROBOTS. i know, your exicted. Robots are the way of the future and if matrix taught us anything... dont make a sequel, and watever you do dont make a 2nd sequel
***/*****


Be Cool

And I beheld, and lo a black horse; and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.

I mean wats cooler than John Travolta's hair. Did you know he wears a wig and his actual hair is quite balding. fun fact. I know your probly crying right now. I mean i just stabbed my bayonet into everything that you believed in, like so much HAY! Now i never saw Get Shorty, and i dont really care to all that much. This was just a fun little flick that deverted my mind for several hours from more serious matters, like what calculator i use. Actually this movie was also star studded, like a personaly embroidered leather jacket. With Travolta and Thurman leading the charge this movie is the definition of worthless yet somehow entertaining hollywood fluff. Not fluffer you pervert.
**/*****

The Ring 2

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him.

Easily the worst movie experience of the past 2 years. i cant put into words the annoyance i felt during this movie. It was like someone took a power drill, and started beating meover the head with it. Seriously if i had a gun i may have shot the people behind us. and NO court would convict me. This didnt help my perception of the craptastic movie. Somehow The Ring was critically acclaimed and became a "beloved" movie in the eyes of many teens. Did any one see the first one. Heres a refresher, It wasnt good. and this one somehow takes the formula for the ring and subtracts the suspense of 7 days, subtracts the atempt at plot, adds more off the grotesque looking kid, and adds more off the unkempt girl and it all adds up to about the same as the original. The spooks are as cliche as ever and some parts are funny instead of scary. Its eeriely reminiscent of Darkness Falls, which is in no means a compliment. But in the end i must ask myself one thing? is it fair to factor in annoying kids behind me as points against the movie. yes it is. This movie is geared to these prepubecent bastards whom noone loves, by being rated PG-13 and sucking... theyre gay...get it
*/*****
posted by John at 9:53 PM