The Monotony of Monogamy

 
The Third Annual Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia movie award spectacular
!This award is the biggest farce I've ever seen.

Worst Special Effects in a Movie
And The Phoby goes to... Cursed for those overgrown half man half unimpressive things that wouldnt leave the shot. But they did have big feat?

The That Reminds Me of Kelly Award
And The Phoby goes to... The Girl Vampires From Van Helsing. They'll suck u dry, getit?

Most Nudity in a Movie Thats NOT Porn
And The Phoby goes to... Harold & Kumar for that pointless but oh so nice nudie scene
Honorable Mention... Team America: World Police for that hot, and dare i say satisfying sex scene

Best Use of a Gay Main Character
And The Phoby goes to... Alexander for making me question Colin "The Womanizer" Farrel's machismo
Honorable Mention... Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie cause its sooo subtle

Worst Use of a Homoerotic Sponge
And The Phoby goes to... Spongebob Squarepants: The Movie and so close to the best!

Most Environmently Friendly
And The Phoby goes to... The Grudge for recycling The Ring And making a Unscary version of it
Honorable Mention... The Ring 2 for being a slightly more scary version of the Grudge

Wait A Second This Should Suck Award
And The Phoby goes to... I, Robot for being a recent Will Smith Movie and get this it didn't suck

Wait A Second This DOES Suck Award
And The Phoby goes to... Napoleon Dynamite for being the most overhyped and underjudged movies possibly of all time.
The Movie So Bad It Actually Makes Its Classic Predessor Worse
OMG this never happens, a TIEAnd
The Phoby goes to... Aliens Vs Predator for making Aliens Resurection look like a good Alien Movie
And The Phoby goes to... Aliens Vs Predator for making me wish this was Predator 2

Best Animated Movie Thats NOT Porn
And The Phoby goes to... The Incredibles for being not porn =(
Honorable Mention... Shrek 2 for also not being porn

Best Sequel
And The Phoby goes to... Kill Bill Vol II for roxzoring my boxzors
Honorable Mention... Shrek 2 for actually in my humble opinion being better than the original

Worst Sequel
And The Phoby goes to... The Ring 2 for being just as bad if not badder than the original. Bad not as in good
Honorable Mention... The Grudge but a sequel to what?

Hey Is That Justin Award
And The Phoby goes to... Rosenberg from Harold & Kumar for having the yellow fever
Honorable Mention... Vince Vaughn from Be Cool

The Wow, Don't You Look Stupid Award
And The Phoby goes to... Pole for thinking the Village would be better than Harold & Kumar, and worst of all trying to convince us not to go. For Shame
Honorable Mention... Eating all those juicy, tasty, slighty disgusting mostly beef pattys from White Castle after seeing said movie

Worst Movie Experience
And The Phoby goes to... The Ring 2 because we sat in front of a few prepubecent homoerotc teens, and get thins one of them answered his cell phone and talked for at least 5 minutes over the movie

Best New SuperHero Award
And The Phoby goes to... Mr. Incredible! for being like super man but with an I
Honorable Mention... Jack-Jack cause he didnt get enough screen time

Best Was Once A Book, Movie Award
And The Phoby goes to... Harry Potter And The Prisoner of Azkaban for being the only potter movie i have seen
Honorable Mention... Polar Express How can you make a 15 page picture book 90+ min. subplots my friend subplots

Worst Was Once A Book, Movie Award
And The Phoby goes to... Lemony Snicket for having Jim Carrey in it
Honorable Mention... Harty Potter for being about witchcarft, they are all goin to hell

Best Movie To Have "Robot" in The Title.
And The Phoby goes to... I,Robot because it makes Isaac Asimov fun, which is impossible
Honorable Mention... Robots because if one robot is fun more than one robot most be more fun. its the law of consevartion of matter.

Best Movie To Have A Robot Villian
And The Phoby goes to... Spider-man 2, bet you didnt see that one coming. I mean what are the chances a guy named Otto Octavius gets 8 limbs?

The Movie Keeps Running Running and Running Running
And The Phoby goes to... Hide and Seek for being retarded. and not using an ambersand
Honorable Mention... The Aviator

Best/Worse Use of a Creepy Little Kid
And The Phoby goes to... The Grudge's Trailer, i mean the kid meowed, and he didnt have nething down below. In the stupid movie he roared. When the trailer is better than the movie you know your in trouble
Honorable Mention... The Ring 2, That kids eyes dont want to be in his head, thats scary
Honorable Mention... Dakota Fanning for actually being a good actress

The So Many Actors How could It Be Bad Award
And The Phoby goes to... Oceans 12 for not knowing 11 is to much
Honorable Mention... Be Cool, Sequels don't work see above.

Best Hair in a Feature Film
And The Phoby goes to... John Travolta for that little rug he was wearing in Be Cool
Honorable Mention... Tom Cruise for that sexy grey hair, it just keeps gettin better

You Can't Take It With You Award
And The Phoby goes to... Your Sanity, as shown in the Aviator.

But The Special Effects Were Cool Right?
And The Phoby goes to... Sky Captain for thinking cg makes the world go round
Honorable Mention... Pixar for proving the world revolves around computer animation.

The Movie Most Relevant To Coach Kal's Class
And The Phoby goes to... The Alamo cause thats what were learning about
Honorable Mention... Audition?
Honorable Mention... Delverance?

Worst Emotion To Base A Movie Off
And The Phoby goes to... Envy, please dont make me remeber it
Honorable Mention... Anger, The Punisher i don't care what you say this is the Jan to Spiderman 2's Marcia and The Incredibles' Cindi

Best Movie Based On Something That May or May not Exist
And The Phoby goes to... Troy cause who knows maybe brad pitt is achielles
Honorable Mention... The Day After Tomorrow cause it has a liberal bias... to great movie making
Honorable Mention... The Polar Express it does exist though it does

I Hope This Is All A Joke and I'm Goin to Wake Up Soon
And The Phoby goes to... The Terminal, i mean it was about a guy in a terminal, where did it go astray?
Honrable Mention... Manchurian Candidate cause Denzel Washington is black...(noise crickets make)

The Its not the Matrix, But Thank God Its Not Matrix Revolutions Award
And The Phoby goes to... Constantine i luv u keanu

HE Won The Best Actor Oscar?
And The Phoby goes to... Jamie Foxx for Collateral and his day time tv show he used to have

You Think You Know, And Your Probably Right Award
And The Phoby goes to... Cursed because Silver doesn't kill werewolves. And the spoon didnt jump over the moon?
Honorable Mention... NC-17 mean no one under 17. just for clarification

Best Zombie Romantic Comedy
And The Phoby goes to... Um Shaun of the Dead because you cant understand a word their bloody saying for the first half an hour

Best Use Of Words That Sound Dirty
And The Phoby goes to... Meet The Fockers, used it wayy to much though
Honorable Mention...Lemony Snicket say it out loud and ponder its true meaning

The Why Do People Quote This Movie When They Could Be Quoting Harold & Kumar or Dodgeball
And The Phoby goes to... Anchorman sure it was funny but it was also trite and asinine
Honorable Mention... Napolean Dynamite ITS NOT FUNNY!

Best Use Of Urine In A Feature Film
And The Phoby goes to... The Aviator cause who knew urine could be a colorful decoration, very fung shui
Honorable Mention... Dodgeball "It's sterile and I like the taste"

Best Use Of Satanism
And The Phoby goes to... Hellboy but he was such a cute little demon child
Honorable Mention... Saved because Mady Moore and Joe Rayles make one hell of a team

Sticky White Substances Award
And The Phoby goes to... Spider-man 2 cause he like has the accuracy of a spider, and what distance.

Most Visualy Satisfying Movie
And The Phoby goes to... Hero, i like colors
Honorable Mention... The Incredibles for its incredibleness.

Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread, Having Been Invented The Year Before
And The Phoby goes to... Silent Velcro in Garden State if only it was real
Honorable Mention... White Castle and Church's chicken in the same place, heaven on earth'

I Know Ive Said That Before
And The Phoby goes to... Kaz because one day he will return, hes only proclaimed it a trillion time

Best Use of Real y Fake Boobs
And The Phoby goes to... Mean Girls man lindsey lohan sure grew up super fast from freaky friday *wink* *wink*

Worst Movie Of The Year
And The Phoby goes to... Envy for shame Jack Black For Shame. And dont look innocent Ben Stiller this movie is on your hands 2
Honorable Mention... The Grudge, The Ring 2, Hide And Seek, The Ring, Exorsist: The Beginning

Best Picture
And The Phoby goes to... Kill Bill Volume II for Quentin Tarintino is god and volume 1 got the shaft last year.What a great movie this was, totally different from vol 1 but just as satisfying and it concluded the whole movie so well it give you the feeling of this is how it sohuld end. not like matrix 3 where you get the feeling of this is the worst possible ending, seriously try to think of a worse ending. Any ways i cant wait for the next movie by quentin.
Honorable Mention... The Incredibles, Harold & Kumar: Go To White Castle, Garden State... and pretty much any movie except Napoleon Dynamite

So that concludes another year of movie watching and judging, and everyone knows that the climax comes in the 3rd act. And remember watch the Skis!
posted by John at 2:52 PM