The Monotony of Monogamy

 
I love . . . lamp.

Directed by the same people that brought you Anchorman, here is the Brick story. While none of the characters are the same, Andy (Carell's character), is basically a somewhat smarter version of Brick. Possibly Brick 2.0, maybe even 3.0. Andy hasn't had any luck with the ladies, and we can assume that Brick is in a similar predicament. In an after hours poker game, Andy's co-workes / "friends" discover that he is a virgin. So these fellows decide to help get Andy some bootay. Of course, they all give him conflicting advice, none of which really helps Andy find what he truely wants, love. Firstly, we have David. David was in a relationship for a few months, then dumped the girl because she was cheating on him. And for the past 2 years, he's regretted dumping her and reminisces about their past relationship. Not exactly the best guy to be talking to about love and the such. And he played Brian Fantana in Anchorman and put on Sex Panther (It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good). Next, we have Jay. The man who cheats on his girlfriend just because he can. Yep, great role model. Then we have Cal. Cal was an "Eager Cameraman" in Anchorman and Im not sure where his "expertise" on women came from, but it was probably the most sane advice.

This movie was hilarious, from beginning to end. From that first morning wood scene, to the final Anchorman-esque musical sequence, this movie kept me laughing. Much of this humor was created by Andy's inexperience and quirkiness, which Carell portrayed perfectly.

Overall: I give this movie a clown car. It has me wondering, how can all that humor be contained in such a small space? And why cant other movies be magical like this one? Go see this movie as soon as you can. It's just that good.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter 8, Verse 27: She's hurtin' for a squirtin'.


posted by Dave at 4:04 PM

 
Scooby Scooby Doo, where are you?

Summary time: so this hospice care worker (Kate Hudson) decides she doesnt like the hospital she works at and leaves to work as a live-in with an elderly couple. The man just had a heart attack while in the attic which just so happens to be the location of the old "servant" quarters. These werent ordinary servants, these were hoodoo practicing servants. Without revealing too much of the "biggest twist since Sixth Sense" (which was also used as a tag line for [i]The Village[/i]), I will say that it got me. Yes, I actually didnt predict the outcome of this movie. It's amazing. That alone makes this movie better (and because that ending actually fit with the plot). However, the rest of the movie followed classic "horror movie" structure: overly curious person explores in places they shouldnt and end up pissing some people / spirits / demons off. Then, said person attempts to find some way to defeat the evil being, and usually does so. Usually. And, as Greaney so astutely pointed out, the Scooby Doo Syndrome is in full effect.

A few little things that annoyed me / made me laugh / were memorable for some reason or another:

The skeleton key really had nothing to do with the plot. All it did was allow Kate to open all the doors in the house, which, for some unknown reason, needed to be locked and unlocked every time someone wanted to pass through them. There was only 1 logical reason to keep any door locked, the door to the husband's room. Other than that, there was absolutely no reason to lock and unlock ever single door and therefore no reason at all for the skeley key and the title of the movie.

The electricity was out, yet the wheel-chair lift still worked? And bullshit hoodoo moved the lift. As it was clearly stated in the movie, hoodoo only works if you believe in it, therefore it is all in the mind, and Im fairly certain that the lift doesnt have a brain.

When Hudson suplexed the lady over the top rail. Followed closely by the line "I think you broke my legs". Nothing wrong with it, just a blatantly funny moment in an otherwise 'serious' movie.

Kate Hudson, or as I have now dubbed her "Curious Caroline," constantly waking up, and walking around . . . in a small t-shirt and panties. But I guess that's proper sleep-wear / exploration gear in the Louisiana swamps.

Overall: I give this movie a plane trip to a foreign land. The trip there is rather predictable and mondaine, but the final result is somewhat startling. This movie really isnt all that scary, even the wee lasses in the theater only screamed about 5 times. But it's still worth a look-see with a somewhat decent plot.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter 8, Verse 29: 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my works. Ye Mighty, and despair!'


posted by Dave at 12:12 AM

 
So these two cousins, Bo and Luke Duke have a sweet Charger and drive the hell out of it. They piss off the local cops, the state cops, and the all-powerful Burt Reynolds. The movie is filled with their antics of reckless driving, blowing stuff up, promiscuousness, and all around tomfoolery.

So Boss Hogg (Reynolds) is up to no good again and the Dukes find out about it (with the help of some top-notch investigation by Daisy Duke). When Uncle Jesse's farm is seized because of his moonshine buisness, its up to the cousins (Daisy included) to get it back. With some help from the General Lee avec the Confederate Flag, Bo and Duke not only save their farm, but the whole town of Hazzard, GA.

I liked Seann William Scott's and John Knocksville's portrayal of two southern troublemakers. Willy Nelson made a sweet old moonshiner who tokes up in the "smoke" house. And looking at Jessica Simpson in short shorts and bikini tops was not a downside. Sidebar, she annoys me whenever she speaks. Anyways, Farva makes an appearance as a demolitions "expert" as well as all of the other Super Trooper cops, even making direct reference to the film. Maybe because Ramathorn of Car Ram-Rod directed both films.

Overall: I give this movie a clown car in an accident, with another clown car. It has it all - sweet cars, funny people, and violence. What more could you ask for? I can think of a few things, but that's neither here nor there. Its a decent film with a solid cast. See it if you like not too much plot with a big side of sweetness.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter ¿, Verse é: Renegers will get you every time.


posted by Dave at 1:10 AM

 
Wow. That was just disturbing. Even more so than Saw. (Note - I havent seen House of 1000 Corpses, which this movie is a sequal to and which is apparently much more gruesome)

So this family goes around abducting people, then torturing, raping, and murdering them in various ways. Finally the local PD catch up with them and turn their house into a much more open space through the use of lead projectiles. So 2 of the family members survive the raid and escape and meet up with their crazy dad, kill some more people, torture more people, and then kill some more people. Good times. The Gung-ho cop finally catches them and breaks rule #6 in the Evil Overlord's Handbook: "I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them." If you go by the handbook, you will succeed. He didnt, case closed.

Moral of the story: Rob Zombie is one sick and twisted man. But he sure does know how to add gratuitous nudity to a movie. You think its all done, then BAM, theres a boob. Oh hey, there's the other one. This movie was probably 2 nipples away from a NC-17 rating. And thanks for making clown's even weirder and ruin more of my childhood memories.

Overall: I give this movie a cooked roadkill. It could be worse, but its still disgusting. It was a good Monday nighter.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter Threve, Verse V: "Boy, the next word outta your mouth better be some brilliant f---in' Mark Twain sh--t, 'cause it is definitely gettin' chiseled on your tombstone. "
-Otis, one of Rob Zombie's crazy ass characters


posted by Dave at 11:43 AM