The Monotony of Monogamy

 
Hey, look on the bright side, maybe this 15 point loss will inspire those Pistons to play like we know they can!


The Day After Tomorrow (Sunday)



The Plot - Same old, same old. Guy wants girl. Dad spends little time with guy. Guy and girl get trapped in a storm that recreates an ice age. Dad treks hundreds of miles to rescue guy and girl + others, including guy' competetion for girl, who had his leg bitten by a wolf. You know, the usual.

The Cast - Decent, at best. No super stars in this one, although Dennis Quaid did remind me of Harisson Ford. And Bubble-Boy returns to be his son. The acting was sub-par, but thats really all you can expect from a mediocre cast.

The Digital Effects - Very well done. All the storms, all the waves, the wolves, looked eriely real. If a new ice age does come, I'm sure it will look rather similar to this film.

The "Hidden" Agendas - Such a liberal movie. So so so so liberal.
#1. The main message of this propaganda film: we should stop using our natural resources and poluting, it will cause another ice age. Newsflash: If they weren't meant to be used, they wouldn't be called resources. They would be called natural things, like grass or snow. Are they part of nature? Yes. Are they being exploited and are people bitching about it? No. I just cut my lawn today, that's a whole lot of grass that's now dead and useless. If we were using grass as a source of feul, even just the clipings, would people be bitching about it? You bet your ass. You cannot please everyone all the time, you can only please some of the people some of the time.

#2. Blatant stab at the Bush-Cheney administration. The VP looks just like good ole' Dick and the Prez is a younger (and I use the term losely) man who is aparently incappable of making decisions without consulting the VP. And low and behold, the VP was wrong about point #1 and the northern hemisphere is now an ice sheet.

#3. After the storm, when everything is settled, when the force that caused the storm is balanced, what does Space Man #1 say? "I've never seen the air so clear." Thus meaning no polution, thus refering back to point #1, thus implying that America on its current path will be the cause of a new ice age.


Overall: I give this movie a Democratic Convention without any Clintons. It not as good as it could be, but on the other hand, it could be worse, much much worse.


Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter 83, Verse 68:
What do you do, when anything you do, including nothing, will get you killed?
posted by Dave at 11:22 PM

 
Does everbody know what time it is? No, not Tool Time, Review Time!
(Reposted here from RT b/c Hippo was being mean earlier)

Shrek 2

Ah, another Willy Wanka poser. This time, I shall call them "Shoompa-loompas." To reiterate Balch's statement: "Willy Wanka didn't invent midgets" and my continuation: "he just perfected them." (I hate to quote myself, but I found it necissary.) The Fairy Godmother, who I refuse to believe is not the kindest of persons, uses the Shoompa-loompas in her potion factory.

Ok, that was about the only relation of Shrek 2 to the great and immortal W.W. But this movie has its own good qualities. Such as

K-Wality Kast: Ok, so it was just their voices, but still. And now, in case you've been living under a rock, the cast - Mike Myers (Shrek), Eddie Murphy (Donkey), Antonio Banderas (Puss In Boots), Cameran Diaz (Fiona), John Cleese (The King), + other ansilary characters.

K-inda Funny Jokes: As funny as Donkey and Shrek were in the first movie, Puss In Boots stole the show this time around. Antonio Bandaras - not funny. Antonio Bandaras playing a spanish-attack cat - hilarious! And the Dronkeys! If you've seen the first one, I think you know how these came about. And don't forget about the Gingerbread Man! Yes, he makes his triumphant return with his coined catchy catch phrase, [high pitched voice] "Not the gumdrop button!"

K-razy Plot: Ok, Shrek <3 Fiona. Shrek thinks Fiona =/= <3 Ogreness. Shrek drinks potion. Shrek and Fiona now = humans =/= ogres. Crazy Fairy Godmother inserts Prince Charming into the mix. (Yes that's his name, hes not a charming prince, he is Prince Charming.) Yada Yada skip some parts, Shrek and Fiona = ogres again and they live happily ever after.

K-rappy Parts: As stated earlier, Puss stole the show. Donkey was not nearly as funny as S1 and Shrek was just sorta there so they could call the movie "Shrek 2." It should have been called Puss and Donkey's Amazing Adventure to Far Far Away You remember how in Shrek 1, it ended with a great musical number? Well they attempt to do the same in this movie. Only its shorter, involves less characters, and the song is "Livin La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin. The only good part of the finale song was Pinnochio's M.J. impression. And no, that's not Michael Jordan.

The Vertict: I give this movie a Hot chick at the beach, even if you don't want to go see it (and why wouldnt you? Are you gay?), go see it. Your mind will thank you, your body will thank you, even your girlfriend will thank you (ok maybe not for the beach part, but the movie)

And now, to satisfy the masses:
Book of The Wise Pohl, Chapter 11, Verse 911
"Even if you are on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there!"

- Wait, what's this? A second reading? I think so:

Book of The Wise Pohl, Chapter 11, Verse 914
"It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped."
posted by Dave at 5:58 PM

 
Troy

Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts

Wolgang Peterson not only has a kick ass name he also can direct, on occasion. He has made some of the greatest movies of our time; Das Boot, NeverEnding Story, and Outbreak; but also he has had his follys like any other human being ie. The Perfect Storm and Bicentenial Man. And Troy almost was a instant classic but it fell short. Not for lack of Brad Pitt scantily clad or lack of hottness ie HELEN OF TROY. I mean it even had the Hulk and Legolas! The most unlikely duo in the history of crossover that didnt really happen. It had Brian Cox for god sake this movie cannot be bad, it is infallible. Or is it? Almost, it doesn't use its full potential of all out war havoc. Sure it never technically happened but that doesnt mean u cant make a movie about it. Troy feels like an epic and never "boars" but it had so much amazinpotential. Still all things considered it twas one of the best films for awile. This presummer lull is driving me crazy, damn u summer y cant u come sooner. Heaven ain't close in a place like this. I need my crappy action packed movies because that is what the american public wants and damned be it, if thats not what they are going to get summer movie fest! And one last thing men will be wearing skirts in the next 5 years.
****/*****

"Somebody told me, you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend?"
May 21st- "Shrek 2" (PG)
May 28th- "Day After Tomorrow, The" (TBA)
June 4th- "Mindhunters" (R)
June 11th- "Chronicles of Riddick" (TBA)
June 18th- "Around the World in 80 Days" (TBA)
June 25th- "Garfield" (TBA)
July 2nd- "Spider-Man 2" (TBA)
posted by John at 7:24 PM

 
Van Helsing

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL FATHER?

Oh what has the world come to. This movie was in a world craptactilscous. Firsts things first this movie was all action, it didn't even try to be any thing more. And some parts were unbeleivable cheesy, my jaw fell to the floor at one point cause i couldnt beleive somebody would put that in a movie, its just sooooo stupid. And the vampires, dont get me started on the vampires, cause they sucked, literally and metaphorically. Sure they were hott in person but vampire form was soooo crappy i mean at least try. It is amazing what this much money can be made into. Stephen Summers Sucks. If you have seen either mummy u can tell this is by the same director. He loves to open mouth beyond their capacity, sick fetish?, loves midgets and other short things, sick fetish?, and he doesnt like plot lines, sick fetish? I am pretty sure he just says wow thats cool ill put it(closes eyes and twirls pen in hand then drops pen) here! Perfect, movie complete. All of his important plot points are addons to the movie to make it make a little sense. In the end remember, if a wolfman hits your carriage it will catch on fire! Beware!
**/*****

Mean Girls

What with all the shenanigans and goings-on.

The highlight of the two weeks, lindsey lohann. roowr. Lets face it this is just another one of those click movies but man lindsey is hott. And she has grown quite alot since freaky friday if u kno wat i mean oh yea, giggidy, giggidy, giggidy. SNL is goin down the drain, since tina fey wrote this it doesnt have the best story but really who cares, it has hott chicks
**/*****

Envy

Hope you like cyanide!

Bad jack bad. Stop this right now. Make funny movie like school of rock or waterworld not this crap or shallow hal, or should i say hallow shal, think about it. In a word this movie was not funny, even in the least bit. If christopher walkin can't save ur movie ur in trouble, serious, serious trouble. The plot oh the plot how it thickens yet never to thick. Like when his wife left then came right back, thats good marriaging, or when you never say where the poop goes, dont make a big deal unless ur goin to say where the god damn poop goes. Worst movie seen in a long time
*/*****

May 14th- "Troy" (R)
May 21st- "Shrek 2" TBA)
May 28th- "Day After Tomorrow, The" (TBA)
June 4th- "Mindhunters" (R)
June 11th- "Chronicles of Riddick" (TBA)
June 18th- "Around the World in 80 Days" (TBA)
June 25th- "Garfield" (TBA)
July 2nd- "Spider-Man 2" (TBA)
posted by John at 6:16 PM