The Monotony of Monogamy

 
Twice is Nice


The Rundown

Come child labor. Kids! I mean kids.

Christopher Walken, i love you. You are hilarious, and i want to have ur children. Now that, that was takin care of let us get to the juicy innards that is this review. The Rock has come back to a mojor motion picture, and i like it. Arnold made a cute, sublineally enhanced with arnold for governor, cameo. But all in all Duane is a good action superstar, partially because has this innocent thing goin for him, also he is rip. Sean William Scott plays himself for another movie, although it didnt seem played out like American Pie 3. A low point was the dissapointing reliance on Cg, which was in a word sucked. Please make it stop, its not real, and it certainly doesn't look real. The best, by far was the fan directed at the rock when something blew up, hi larious. Towards the end the movie slowed down to a stupper. Blah Blah Blah. The movie is s pretty cliche, but who cares. The movie is hi larious, and i dont think any movie this year will top walkens speech about the tooth fairy, comedic brillance.
***/*****


thirteen

Lucy, I'm hom... LUCY! OH MY GOD!

All i can say is depressing. One that didnt happen to me, and two it did happen to someone. First of all i was thirteen once, and lemme tell you this was not my lifes story. Not at all... okay maybe the two gals getting with the life guard but thats all. Not all depressing though, their was plenty of disturbing images... that stay with you. Holy shit. thats all their is to say about this movie. Its freakin awesome and you need to see it. Easily the Best movie since Better Luck Tomorrow, the includes Matrix and Nemo. Only down side is the movie has some slow parts, but what movie doesnt. Okay one last point, which everyone know all girls do but dont talk about, girls make out... with each other, yes lesbian action. Need i say more. Touche.
****/*****

October 3rd- "The School of Rock" (PG-13)
October 10th- "Kill Bill: Volume 1" (TBA)
October 17th- "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (R)
October 24th- "The Runaway Jury" (PG-13)
October 31st- "Alien: Re-Release" (R)
November 5th- "The Matrix Revolutions" (TBA)
posted by John at 8:44 PM

 
Underworld

WOW! That's 10 pounds of butt in 5 pound butt-capacity pants!

This movie didn't even try. Obviously the plan is to make numerous sequels cause not only did the movie give a little hint at a sequel but it did so many things that just dont make sense. They talk about covens in two scenes without explaining what the are. Numerous references to the past *cough* prequel *cough*. The story has some potential, but it doesn't seem to care. The action will hold your attention only for so long. The ending fight seem, in a word, blows. All that suspense, for this. Stronger than both, my ass. And isn't this movie just subliminaly prepetuating racial sterotypes. It makes me sick. Why cant it be a movie that shows how werewolves and vampires get along, and sing and dance. That would be worth 8.50. Not all is bad though, the action, at times, got me into the movie. Although they did kill off the coolest character in the first 10 minutes, which is a travesty. Umm also .. their was... a few hot chicks... in tight clothing,which is good enough for me. In conclusion i like tight clothing. On Women.
**/*****

September 26th- "The Rundown" (PG-13)
October 3rd- "The School of Rock" (PG-13)
October 10th- "Kill Bill: Volume 1" (TBA)
October 17th- "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (R)
October 24th- "The Runaway Jury" (PG-13)
October 31st- "Alien: Re-Release" (R)
November 5th- "The Matrix Revolutions" (TBA)
posted by John at 8:05 PM

 
The Underworld, man i hope that doesn't suck, Extravaganza

"If not satisfied with this movie, please return unused portion for a full refund."

Boo, football. Next saturday will now be called "a whole lotta movie day" as we have not seen a movie in quite a long time and we need to catch up. And one of the movie's will most likely be Underworld. Which by the way is being sued, for copyright infringment, but thats a different story. This movie is a toss up, it could be the next matrix or the next lxg. Or possible could be so Romeo and Juliet it becomes a chick flick, albeit the latter is unlikely. Obviously this movie is trying to be matrix in a "goth, punk setting", which could work or be a disasster. That misspelling was for kate beckinsale. Roooowwrrrr. The biggest thing this movie has goin for it is leather. But man do those werewolves look kinda cheesy.Most likely gunna be an excess of cg. But if u ask me, and u are, its gunna be hard to be worse than lxg, god knows it will try.
posted by John at 7:39 PM

 
Once more, double the ... something.

Freaky Friday

So, anyway...you can see how this all adds up to a movie.

Not bad Disney, not bad at all. Even more shocking than this movies surprising quality is that it is number 2 in the box office this week, and two spots below it is pirates of the carribean. Im guessing those rich evil people at disney are takin showers with our sweet, sweet money. The sad part is neither of the movies is that great. Although movie was humorous at some points, at others it force fed us with sentimental crap. You know the usual from Disney. While watching this movie you get a weird feeling like you have seen this before, and you have if you have seen a disney movie. All round this movie was well made and even humorus for a good portion, it also helped that Jamie lee Curtis is super hot, o u kno wat im talkin about. One gripe is the music convo in the movie is total bullshit, The White Stripes are a million times better than the good damn vines and hives.
***/*****

The Medallion

Well, I see this movie wastes no precious screen time with a plot!

Man, this is a depression. Jackie Chan should have died after Rumble in the Bronx so this would never of happened and he still would be cool. That jump onto the hovercraft was crazy. All this movie had was a standard issue scream, i remember a different scream for Ahh real monsters. But that scream is not new and is in a lot of things. Off hand i think it was in mk: anihilation. This movie was aware of how bad it was, as shown in the cat noises in the cat fight, which was way to short and left way to much to the imagination, stupid imagination. I like how they never explained why watsons wife could fight or why she had all those weapons. Or maybe they did and i blocked it from my memory because it was unbearble stupid, either way, enjoy. One high point is this movie knew when to quit.
**/*****

September 5th- "The Order" (R)
September 12th- "Matchstick Men" (PG-13)
September 19th- "Underworld" (R)
September 26th- "The Rundown" (PG-13)
October 3rd- "Scary Movie 3" (TBA)
October 10th- "Kill Bill" (TBA)
October 17th- "The Runaway Jury" (PG-13)
October 24th- "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (R)
October 31st- "Alien: Re-Release" (R)
November 5th- "The Matrix Revolutions" (TBA)
posted by John at 9:28 PM