The Monotony of Monogamy

 
They Dont Make 'Em Like They Used To Special
Featuring


The Butterfly Effect

Somebody once wrote: "Hell is the impossibility of reason." That's what this place feels like. Hell.

Wooo Ashton Kutcher. Boooo crapy drama. Ashton is a funny guy, but mayb not the greatedt actor. I mean he may win best actor one day, but he will probly win a grammy before that. O wait i think he already has one, at least one, god knows i have way to many. Well thats wat u get for singing in class they just keep giving them out, their like the plague nobody wants it but that dont stop them from giving u multiple grammys every year. I said it. And you can just by an oscar anyways so Kutcher in '06, Win with the Kutch. Any ways this was a motion picture. And it had nudity so it passed my test. Next. Wat? How many more lines? You guys fuckin suck. Well the nudity was female so all the better, and get this it has a cripple which got some laugh from the sick and twisted crowd. HOLY CRIP ITS A CRAPPLE. Not one of u is goin to heaven. straight to hell where the cripples will be laughing at you. The acting personally was not meant to be takin super seriously. And was quite humorous except for the insanly disturbing parts in the beginning. Some of that shit was fucked up man. not cool. I would be happy never seeing this movie again, at least the beginning cause the big fat dude was hi larious. It just goes to show the bigger the man the more sexual pleasure said man needs.
***/*****

And with a cameo by


Along Came Polly

He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!

So much swearing today. Im sorry. No wait... i was being sarcastic. This movie was the definition of formula, the number 4 plus money= average movie Sure jennifer anniston is hot but that only goes so far, like all the way. Best part of the movie was the sympathy sex scene. Easy. Then comes Hank Azaria as Moe the bartender, dealing out a little love with his feeling numbing booze. My favorite part was where they get together even though by all logical reason they should not be put on the same plane let alone sleep in the same house, o but she completes him. No she doesnt she is the complete opposite and neither of them understand the other.
Not saying this movie wasnt funny, it had its moments, but michael jackson had his moments too. I retract that last statment. Dont you hate it when you can come up with a easy hassle free way to solve on screen problem, well that happens alot during this movie at least one big one that was one of the big toilet humor jokes. its not that funny when they dont have to be doin it. Thsi could have been a great movie with the actors they had but instead they put together a script writen by a monkey with a red crayon in one hand and a green in the other .Which brings me to the real problem... we are still a month away from salvation, i mean Passion of Christ... o boy i cannot wait
**/*****

January 30th- "Big Bounce, The" (PG-13)
February 6th- "Miracle" (PG)
February 13th- "50 First Dates" (PG-13)
February 20th- "Euro Trip" (TBA)
February 27th- "Passion of The Christ" (TBA)
posted by John at 7:50 PM

 
Post Exam Movie BLOW-out

Okay Marge, its your child against my child. The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!

Big Fish

My story's better, it has tigers!

Atouching story of a boy who never knew his real father, but in the end it turns out he did kinda but not really only in a metaphysical way. It certainly was nice to look at as opposed to wat was sitting a few seats to the left of me. A fairly decent story with good acting and GIANTS... and hot asian twins. and lets not forget the worlds tallest dwarf... danny devito. The ending is pretty corny but so is life so deal with it. Ewan is fairly amusing but walking the edge of annoying with his character, i really dont care how preseverant u r. Theirs not much to say about this movie except its pretty darn good, scroll down if u want to hear me make fun of a movie.Alright hears my conclusion best movie ive seen in theaters since... LOTR:ROTK
****/*****

Peter Pan

Ooh, pretty creepy. Still, I'd rather have him chasing me than the Wolf Man.

All i really have to say is it is better than hook. Yea i said it wat r u gunna do about it. Y do i say these blasphemies u ask because this actually has a BOY play Peter not a overgrown hairy piece of man meat. Robin Williams u suck! Captain Hook is also played better in this installment, the only down point... tinker bell is not hot, at all. Its not like she has any lines couldnt they get a hot bigboobed supermodel, give a little incentive for the boys to watch the movie. I mean is that really to much to ask, its not like it hurt the movie, it improves it and isnt that y we watch movies, to see hot chicks with barely anything on try to act, i think we all know the answer to that, no. But it is fun and in the end isnt that all that matter, in a word ... no. O yea movie review super cute yadda yadda yadda really BIG crocidile blah blah blah pirates, and no thank god they dont come from the carribean
***/*****

Love Actually

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Maybe its the sophisticate british humor or mayb its my young uncontaminated mine but man this movie sucked arse. Its hard to comprehend the badness of this huge blockbuster. Ok hears the lowdown it invovles no less than about 10 couples, with barely any connection between any of them. So all and all some storys get about 15 minutes of screen times. Its like someone said how many romantic storys can we come up with, ummm about 10, ok lets put umm all in one movie, isnt that goin to be one long movie, not if we take make the storys really bad and unfunny. Yea that sounds right. I can think of at most 2 enjoyable storys and one story that i really liked until the end. I think dan put it best " but they all meet up at the end" Well most do but this is a kicker, they meet up at a ... airport, well holy shit how could anyone write a script where 10 couples are at a airport at the same time after 2 and a half hours of utter boredom and monotony, i want to meet that script writing team(one man could not do it). This movie is kinda like Arested Development its critically acclaimed and i guess some people like it , the people next to me we goin crazy with laughter, but in the end its not really funny at all. They have some good material but no one ever told them how to tell a joke. Do u wanna hear something really funny, one of the story has hugh grant as get this... the prime minister of England, not only is that hilarious in its own but the story is actually just affornt to bitch at british foreign policies and say its all americas fault... and they are quite stereotypical of the american president. Maybe im reading to much into this but i dont think i am, and well frankly i dont want to rant but in short this movie suck. And get this they had the audacity, no the testicular fortitude to use the fortitude to use the phrase "stark naked" If u ask me those brits are just a bunch of cigarettes
*/*****

January 23rd- "Butterfly Effect, The" (R)
January 30th- "Big Bounce, The" (PG-13)
February 6th- "Miracle" (PG)
February 13th- "50 First Dates" (PG-13)
February 20th- "Euro Trip" (TBA)
February 27th- "Passion of The Christ" (TBA)
posted by John at 2:36 PM

 
Five*****Star*****Collection
Five Stars of... Hot Hot Hobbits

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Of course he's twitching, he's got my axe embedded in his nervous system

This is how its supposed to be done. This makes Matrix sequels look like Star Wars prequels. Ya that bad. LotR is a thirteen thousand million times better. get this its actually concludes the story, no im serious it does. Its not just rambling on with CG, which i think also are some of the best i have seen. Proper timing in between the sequels was super helpful too. I saw every one once, and new exactly what was goin on. Its not prefect, it drags it feet at the ending, although the book did do it, and in fairness the whole series was 9 hours, a 20 min conclusion isnt that bad. This is the best conclusion to a trilogy, i have seen. by far. The huge war was crazy sweet and such. My favorite part was the undead comin into the fight makin the fight all encompassingly pointless. And the trolls i love the trolls, and how can u not. They are the bitches of middle earth. but goddamnit the are the coolest bitches ever. I would like a backround story on how that every happened. Right after i get a Hobbit the movie. I love u Smaug
*****
posted by John at 7:54 PM