Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia |
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Wednesday, April 30, 2003
My two nickels and a penny, and the amazing... calendar! You provide the Ewww's and Ahhh's May 2nd-"X²" (PG-13) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (R) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) Toad? Not a big Loss? Are you on freaking cocaine. Toad made x-men to the first what it is today. Okay moving on, lets get something straight, shadowcat is mighty hot, purrrrr, oops i mean rowwwwwr. Yeah thats the one. Batman(dan) you need to get your facts straight, like who's cool and who's not. And Chris you love Fox a little to much if you know what i mean. Beastiality, the last time i checked, is illegal. Now let the childish bickering this blog was built on, continue. The Yellow Flash: Kind of like Robin but with more amazingness and less homosexuality. (0) comments Five*****Star*****Collection Five Stars of... Pre-marital Sex Better Luck Tomorrow That was better than Sex Wow, this movie did everything for me. It had hi larious jokes from start to finish, full out nudity, a must, and it had a whole lot of racial stuff, which always provides hours of laughs. The movie wasnt all white all the time which was a nice change of pace. If any one was wondering why MC Hammer's name was in the thank you section of the credits it is because he donated money to keep the movie a float, mediforically speaking of course, the very notion of a floating movie is just absurd. I think someone should make a movie about it and they could call it "El Floating Movie" or in case you are the spanish illiterate " The Floating Movie" What a crazy story line... Moving on, the academic decathalon was the best part of the movie " I guess he just wasn't made for the academic decathalon" And the porn who could forget the porn, ah memories. The Ulra-Psuedo violence was a nice touch to the movie as a whole. John Cho is my favorite asian actor so it was nice to see him again, and the guy who played Virgil was brillant. This movie was flawed, most of the flaws came in the last act, where the movie slowed down. Now remember this is just 5 stars, i dont expect perfection. The fact is this is the best movie we have seen at the Palladium. ***** (0) comments Sunday, April 27, 2003
PLEASE NOTE: UPTOWN ENTERTAINMENT REQUIRES ID TO PURCHASE TICKETS FOR ALL "R" RATED FILMS Haha a joke right, sadly it is not a joke, its not all a joke. The fact is a few employees are taking this crack down seriously, scarrrry stuff man. When will the horror stop, who initiated this nagasaki, will they do anal probes? Who died and gave them the right to do their jobs. So many question's, so little time. First the facts out of the last 26 movies seen, 13 have been rated R. R movies in that time period have averaged .46 stars better than all others. Heres another fun fact, out of the last 45 movies reviewed, the average is rating is a 2.5 can you say consitant. I know i can. Dont worry its alright to bask in my reflected reviewing glory. Many rumors have been floating around Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia as to why uptown entertainment became a facsist regime. One is there just cracking down on spring break and the balloon will burst with the overwhelming force that is mass entertainment. Surely only a fool would disallow access to The Matrix: Reloaded. Another is that stupid bitchy moms, no offence, have been complaining nonstop. whawha cry me a river, its a victimless crime. Quick here comes reality lets sheild are children from everything around them, so when their out on their own they get a serious mind fuck. One more is what i like to call the Dateline scenario. some news group is going to give palladium the image of anything goes, anyage, which i dont see as bad. I remember about a year ago i got asked what age i was at a PG-13 movie, what a joke that place is. The fact is sadly the employees are finally doing there jobs, to are dismay. But why weren't they doing there jobs before, sadly i cant answer that question. Its like asking why didnt dave change that movie to sold out... no one will ever know. The good news is in a year it will all be over, no more of this. And i think we all know who is to blame for not getting into City of God, chris for not writing a review. Thank you chris. The matter of writing on the blog is a fickle one, i have gotten alot of request for it so... im thinkin of makin a sister blog. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia will be super congested if it has more writers. So if your interested in writing for... i dont have a name for it yet, email me at dancinghans@hotmail.com. If your wondering "where's the review for Better Luck Tomorrow" no, i didnt forget. its coming but dont expect it soon. This is the Yellow Flash, signing off. Every great crisis of human history is a pass of Thermopylae, and there is always a Leonidas and his three hundred to die in it, if they can not conquer. (0) comments Saturday, April 26, 2003
Identity I guess its a case of selective recall. Identity makes you think, a lot about a lot of things. I wouldnt go any farther if your going to see the movie 'cause it could spoil it for you. The fist two-thirds of the movie are your standard murder thriller deal and then bam, your world gets turned upside down. Not literally of course because then it would be quite hard to watch the movie... Moving on this movie did one cool things for me, all the murder became something less when the secret was revealed, it was like those people didnt matter, at all. Also if you didn't catch it, the guy in the freezer, was the actual person. That was a real nice touch, the whole he was dead when i got here so i just did what anyone would do, take over his business, or his mind. i believe the boy was actually him when the devastating trama happened, when his mind froze per se. And for the he based his the personalities after his murders, i think not because there were two convicts, which i dont see how he could kill. But chris may be saying what about that picture of the whore dead, i dont kno if it were the whore or not because the limodriver didnt recongize her. Anyways to my point, the personalities although made before, may have been altered after the killings to look like the people he killed, they touched on this in Twelve Monkeys. If you understood any of what i have said, good for you 'cause i know i dont know what the hell im talking about. ****/***** April 26th-"Better Luck Tomorrow" (R) May 2nd-"X²" (PG-13) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (R) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) (0) comments Thursday, April 24, 2003
Anger Management I beat her because, i love her! This movie was a joke, and not a funny one, a corny been there done that joke. Half the jokes were in the previews, so the biggest jokes in the movie, got no laughs, at all. I pity this movie, whenever i did laugh it was because the movie tried so hard to be funny, but wasnt. Sad. I'll admit there were some amusing parts but they were so few and so far between. The plot was a stretch, the ending personally ruined the whole movie for me, not cool. This movie was all hype, and a little ignorance on the movie goers who are still flooding the theater. Adam Sandler hasnt made a good movie in the longest time, and i dont know if he has another good one in him **/***** April 25th-"Identity" (R) April 26th-"Better Luck Tomorrow" (R) May 2nd-"X²" (PG-13) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (TBA) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) Sometime Hopefully-"Confidence" (R) (0) comments Sunday, April 20, 2003
Holes Yo Caveman look at this, STIGMATA!! This movie was caliente, muy caliente. A coming to age story that was made uber-happy by the good opium dealing folks at disney. This is what i dont get, zero couldnt of been at the camp for more than a few days before stanley, and yet he is uber-used to the camp. i had the same problem with the book. The uber-happy ending was very much unnecessary, since the book has a happy ending to begin with. I was suprised by the fact that the movie retained much of the book, but it still was missing something... i dont know what it was missing, but it wasnt there. I dont think a better job could have been done making Holes into a movie, but i never saw Holes as being a movie. ***/***** April 25th-"Identity" (R) May 2nd-"X²" (PG-13) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (TBA) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) Whenever It Comes Out-"Better Luck Tommorow" (R) (0) comments Friday, April 18, 2003
House of 1000 Corpses More cushion for the pushin? Alas, i am back again to review yet another movie. Against all odds, gangland warfare and christianty, we saw House of 1000 Corpses at... THE STAR... dun dun duh. There is no denying the fact that this movie was hilarious. Maybe it was just me, but this movie had everything i could want in a movie. I love music that is totally ironic, cant get enough of it. The jokes were SOLID, and i cant say enough about those pants. Only real fault in this movie was that it was... not scary, a little disturbing, but not scary. It didnt get under my skin, freak me out, push me to the edge of sanity and then dangle me there for a little... you know. Moving on, its been done, many times. Rob Zombie's lack of experience shows, and it sadly hurts the movie. But in the end it all boils down to... never trust a squirrel. ***/***** April 18th-"Holes" (PG) April 25th-"Identity" (R) May 2nd-"X²" (PG-13) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (TBA) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) Whenever It Comes Out-"Better Luck Tommorow" (R) (0) comments Wednesday, April 16, 2003
Five*****Star*****Collection Five Stars of... Polygamy? The Ten Commandments I had the time of my life... and i owe it all to you. Its a well known fact that if Jesus was on the earth right now, he would be Charlton Heston. If you dont believe me ask Mr. Price ,or do a little of the black & white, a little sno action, if u know what i mean. Ah the memories... when are class was denied the infinte pleasure of viewing this movie, because somebody was a little to doped up on sno, im looking at you. This epic makes you cry, laugh, love, hate and most of all cry again... sorry couldnt think of another emotion. Alas there truely is no emoticon for what i am feeling. Anyways back to the subject matter, my new nickname is... the yellow flash. Oops thats a different subject all together, was i talking about the addictive nature of sno? No thats tommorow's subject... so in conclusion, always give into peer pressure. ***** (0) comments Saturday, April 12, 2003
Spider Is the first stage of grief pure unbridled joy? I think Lisa said it best "He's not like anybody I've ever met. He's like a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest. He sure is ugly, though." Spider takes you inside the mind of a insane man, "and that bitch is slippin'" to quote Ice Cube. A series of flashbacks where Ralph reflects on his past, his seriously fucked up past. This is one of the only movies that i can think of that actually convinces me that being insane is not fun. Most movies just state someone is insane, and you must take their word. This movie shows you the insanity, and i must say its not the life of paradise that is protrayed in the movies. There is no denying this movie feels long, not realy boring just slow. This is not a movie you would see multiple times, the only sensible reason would be to see when exactly people change. Since insanity is defined as someone who does the same thing over and over, expecting the end result to change. ****/***** April 18th-"Holes" (PG) April 25th-"Identity" (R) May 2nd-"X²" (TBA) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (TBA) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) Whenever It Comes Out-"Better Luck Tommorow" (R) (0) comments Wednesday, April 09, 2003
April 11th-"House of 1000 Corpses" (R) April 12th-"Better Luck Tommorow" (R) April 18th-"Holes" (PG) April 25th-"Identity" (R) May 2nd-"X²" (TBA) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (TBA) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) Now since this is a little to complex for some people ive highlighted the main points of interest. Now upon inspection you will find on April 12th, a saturday we are seeing "Better Luck Tommorow". Thats right saturday, now we still are seeing a movie friday, that would be the movie above it "House of 1000 Corpses" Now we move on to more pressing issues. On June 6th it says Party... now unless you are retard and cant put 2 and 2 together, you will have figured out Party is actually a party and as for the NC-17 rating, it will be strictly enforced. Location is undecided but will most likely include more than one house. (0) comments Five*****Star*****Collection Saving the World... Five Stars at a Time Das Boot I am not in the condition to fuck! Wolfgang Peterson is to movies as Jesus is to God. You cant say one with out refering to the other. Now for a little clarification, the title is german and it roughly translates to... the boat. So lets recap this movie is about a boat, not about a giant mechanical boot that was created to kill the commies but eventually turns on its creators... oops i have said to much *cough* 2005 *cough*. This movie is as much fun for the illiterate as it is for the literate, those crazy germans always talking and whatnot. But lets be honest, you dont get the full experience unless you can read, albeit the sheanigans and goings' on are just as much fun if you dont kno whats going on. But when the tomfoolery stops and the laughter is replaced by cold, cold silence wat r u left with? Words my friends, words. I think this some it up best, "But i like it!" ***** (0) comments Saturday, April 05, 2003
Phone Booth Hang up and try again Lets get one thing straight, Kiefer Sutherland in all probability...a god. Right now you may be saying, you heretics i pray you burn in a eternal jet fueled fire with 72 goddamned whores. Its not like i have a little shrine in my room to Kiefer, or that i even worship him. Its that Kiefer has the coolest voice ever. (Note: 24 blows, Dark City rocks). And dont get me started on Forest. Anyways lets talk about the movie for a change... BORING is not the right word, i think the word im looking for is... action packed but short. Someone tell me why good ole Stu got the short end of the stick, he didn't even lead a bad life. And what was the Snipers motivation... is this his sick form of entertainment from which he derives his shits and giggles? I did not like the camera angles where huge portions of the screen were unused, i payed 8.50 to see the whole goddammed screen. All things considered this movie was entertaining, so it gets my recomendation. If anyone is wondering, the reason i didnt state any of the good is because im sure you will get enough of that from the other two resident reviewers. ***/***** April 11th-"House of 1000 Corpses" (R) April 18th-"Holes" (PG) April 25th-"Identity" (R) May 2nd-"X²" (TBA) May 9th-"The Lizzie McGuire Movie" (R) May 16th-"The Matrix Reloaded" (TBA) May 23rd-"Bruce Almighty" (TBA) May 30th-"The Italian Job" (TBA) June 6th-Party (NC-17) June 13th-"Hollywood Homicide" (TBA) June 20th-"The Hulk" (TBA) (0) comments Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Five*****Star*****Collection Five Stars of... HI-larious Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie The secret government Eggo Project! I first saw this movie when i was about nine... i practically died that day, of laughter, silly. This movie get funnier every time i watch, and you dont want to know how many times i have seen this movie, and if you do tough shit 'cause i lost count. I cant begin to mention the funniest parts of this movie because it would go on for pages. The movie is essentially a spoof of "This Island Earth", i do not recomend watching "This Island Earth". If you have ever seen the television show (sci-fi 10am satudays) you'll know wats going down, and if by some small chance you have deprieved yourself of everything good in this world and you are a communist and you have never seen Mystery Science Theater 3000 the television show. For those few, who the hindu's called untouchables, may God have mercy on your soul ***** (0) comments |