The Monotony of Monogamy

 
What the @#$% !

The Village

Yes, hindsight says I should have gone to see Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle. But I knew H&K was going to be hilarious, The Village had some questions attached to it. Like "Why are the monsters agitated by the color red?" and "What is the big secret everyone is talking about?"

*Spoilers*
Well, since this movie sucked, I'll tell you. The first question is irrelavent because there are no real monsters. None. Zero. They are just suits worn by elders to scare people into staying in the town. "But why would they try to keep people in? Why not encourage trade and discovery?" Well it's simple, and answers the second question. The live in a wildlife preserve in modern day. A bunch of people who couldn't handle reality ran away to the seclusion of a wildlife preserve. There they raise their kids and live their lives like they live in the 1800s.

This movie had potential. It could have been a decent thriller. I was even into the plot at the beggining. But no, Shyamalan felt the need to include twists and turns that completely ruined the scaryness of the movie. First we think there are monsters, then we're told they're fake. Then we see a monster in the woods, then we're shown that it's just Adrian Brody, who plays a retard, in a suit. He'll win some awards soon, and it's all because of the formula. Playing a retard = awards.

-- I had another paragraph here, but I hit the back button and forgot what was in it. Damn --


Overall: I give this movie a Tony Hawk attempting a 1080 double reverse triple bipass ollie fakie pop shove it. It sounds cool. It might look cool at first glance. But in the end, it's too tricky for it's own good and ends up crashing.

Book of The Wise Pohl, Chapter 2, Verse .5:
Beware the coming of the Bro Shack . . .
posted by Dave at 4:05 PM

 
I, Robot

Cigarettes killed my father... and raped my mother

Wow. Finally an biography about me and how i defeated Dr. Robotnics evil communist robots to save the world and then having Reagan come in and steal my accomplishments. Of course hollywood changed a few things like making the main character black to console Al Sharpton, that mule and 40 acres are in the mail i swear, i sent them myself. I always like to see the future waaaaaay overestimated First of all we oculd even build the the elevators in the movie in 30 years if we started today and had the technology. But im sure in 30 years we will have rolling balls instead of wheels for cars because that is the future of everything. And another thing where was the robotic dog he should be super evolved beyond our wildest expectations. I mean the robotic dog progress in just the last 10 years is outstanding. How many robotic dogs... in the world... have commited a crime... none i suspect. In retrospect this movie was entertaining and very often amusing. If you go to this movie you will enjoy yourself, even if you hate will smith and nude people and love robotic dogs. So in the end A.I. was the worst movie ever and should never be mentioned in connection with any movie... ever.
***/*****

July 30th- "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle"(R)
August 6th- "Village, The"(PG-13)
August 13th- "Alien vs. Predator"(PG-13)
August 20th- "Exorcist: The Beginning"(R)
August 27th- "Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid"(PG-13)
September 3rd- "Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2"(PG)
September 10th- "Resident Evil: Apocalypse"(TBA)
September 17th- "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow"(TBA)
September 24th- "Wimbledon"(TBA)
October 1st- "Shark Tale"(TBA)
October 8th- "Taxi"(TBA)
October 15th- "Team America: World Police"(TBA)
October 22nd- "Finding Neverland"(PG)
October 29th- "Eulogy"(R)
November 5th- "The Incredibles"(TBA)

posted by John at 11:16 AM

 
Mmmmmm Combo Post . . .


Part Numero Uno:

I, Robot

Ah yes. Another Will Smith saves the world movie. Seems to be all he's doing now-a-days. In this episode of Willy's World Saving Adventures, Will has to figure out how to stop not aliens in big ships, or aliens in human disguises, but an army of killer robots. But how do we know they are killer robots? Well just look for the red light. Red means stop. So if you ever see a robot emitting a redish glow, Stop, Drop, and Roll.

Quite to my surprise, this movie wasn't that bad. It wasn't just "Hey, the robots are nice, now they're mean; I know how to stop them, but they keep sidetracking me." It was more along the lines of "Hey, the robots are nice, now they're mean; What caused this transformation? Why was this transformation caused? By whom was this transformation caused? How can I stop the robots?" Action is good, and alot of it is better, but it needs substance, which this plot provides. It's not 2 solid hours of Will destroying robot after robot. It's 2 hours of clue gathering, robot murdering, and various other conflicts.

Overall: I give this movie a better than expected, a fishing pole and an ice drill on a frozen lake. If you have nothing better to do than go fishing, why not?


Part Deux:

Pohl's Perfectly Purple Pursday Preview

The Bourne Supremacy



This movie is the sequel to the Bourne Identity. Jason Bourne, played by Matt Damon, is a trained assassin. He keeps having dreams about his past, but he cannot remember anything else about it. In this installment, nothing will stop him from finding out the truth.

I didn't see the first one, but this one looks rather good. The plot is simple enough that I didn't need to see the first one to understand the premises.

Rotten Tomatoe Stats:
Rating: 66% - Fresh
19 Positive Reviews
10 Negative Reviews
Average Rating: 6.9/10
posted by Dave at 10:00 PM

 
Napoleon Dynamite

Sure. You could save a lot more souls with roller-skates and Easy-Bake ovens, than with this

90 minute sleeping pill. Seriously this movie did not need to be made. I found myself laughing at most 9 times during the movie and at one point im pretty sure everone wanted the movie to end but no its only a hour in, and 30 more minutoes of fun. This movie is not hi-larious and only a few scenes even count as funny. Napoleon Dynamite is a one trick pony whos only trick is look stupid, while this may wow some, and touch hearts with others, its not worth waiting to see. The movie is paced so slow when their is a funny part its followed by silence for 10 minutes while another joke is set up. I can see how one could enjoy the comedy in this film, and when i tried to get into the movie i couldnt it just wouldnt let me in, if you want to like this movie i bet you will but otherwise prepare to be disapointed, gravely. Dont get me wrong this could have become a comedy classic, with some better writing and directing, but the stuff was their they just used and abused it, now the best it can possible do is be a crappy cult classic. Touche?
**/*****

July 23rd- "Bourne Supremacy, The"(PG-13)
July 30th- "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle"(PG-13)
August 6th- "Village, The"(PG-13)
August 13th- "Alien vs. Predator"(PG-13)
August 20th- "Exorcist: The Beginning"(R)
August 27th- "Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid"(PG-13)
September 3rd- "Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2"(PG)
September 10th- "Resident Evil: Apocalypse"(TBA)
September 17th- "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow"(TBA)
September 24th- "Wimbledon"(TBA)
October 1st- "Shark Tale"(TBA)
October 8th- "Taxi"(TBA)
October 15th- "Team America: World Police"(TBA)
October 22nd- "Finding Neverland"(PG)
October 29th- "Eulogy"(R)
November 5th- "The Incredibles"(TBA)

posted by John at 3:03 PM

 
Napoleon Dynamite

Napoleon Dynamtie has no friends, then he finds one in the new kid, Pedro Sanchez. Then the two have to find dates to the dance. It looks like a prom, people are dressed like it's a prom, but it's just called "the dance". Then Pedro runs from President against Summer, played by Haylie Duff, one of the two semi well known people in this cast, the other being Diedrich Bader who played Oswald in the Drew Carey Show and Lawrence in Office Space. While all this is going on, the crazy uncle sells tupperwear then tries to sell breast enhancing drugs while trying to become an NFL quaterback by making videos of himself throwing a football. And let's not forget the geekier brother who meets an online love who lives in Detroit, and this black woman is completely in love with the skinny white guy.

Yeah, there were some funny parts. But they weren't enough to redeem this movie. Most of the "jokes" were retarded and not as funny as some of the theater implied. How this movie could have recieved a 70% rating on Rotten Tomatoes is just another example of how the critics and I disagree.

Overall: I give this movie a clown on the downslope of his career; could be funny, should be funny, but isn't. Seeing this film once was more than enough. But I'm sure others will disagree.

Book of Wise Pohl, Chapter 19, Verse 99:
There are worse things than spam, but they're hard to find.
posted by Dave at 10:00 PM

 
Movies 4 Spectacular

Anchorman

Once the government approves something, it's no longer immoral!

Ah sweet humor, the so called cure all by the big wigs running the hospital, well i got something to say about that... ok i have nothing to say. Maybe if this movie wasnt so amazingly eclipsed by dodgeball which came out a few weeks prior, it would have been a more enjoyable. This is a funny movie, just not to funny. It has one amazing scene and a few memorable ones but everything else isnt that funny or memorable. William is one of the best comic of our time and he shows it here, and with a great supporting cast this movie is a sure hit... or miss. The first few scenes make you think to urself this movies gunna suck, but it starts to pick it up after a little bit but it never gets to that point where u laugh out of your seat. Lets just say ive seen funnier movies and this movie wont become a classic, but if yourin for a summer comedy where u dont have to think this is the movie for you. If you dont like comedy you wont like this movie and if u do like comedy its worth taking a gander at but you could find a better thing to do like play NCAA football 2005. For my money i would rather relive dodgeball.
***/*****

All i have now is my enormous genitals?
July 16th- "I, Robot"(PG-13)
July 23rd- "Bourne Supremacy, The"(PG-13)
July 30th- "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle"(PG-13)
August 6th- "Village, The"(PG-13)
August 13th- "Alien vs. Predator"(PG-13)
August 20th- "Exorcist: The Beginning"(R)
August 27th- "Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid"(PG-13)
September 3rd- "Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2"(PG)
September 10th- "Resident Evil: Apocalypse"(TBA)
September 17th- "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow"(TBA)
September 24th- "Wimbledon"(TBA)
October 1st- "Shark Tale"(TBA)
October 8th- "Taxi"(TBA)
October 15th- "Team America: World Police"(TBA)
October 22nd- "Finding Neverland"(PG)
October 29th- "Eulogy"(R)
November 5th- "The Incredibles"(TBA)




posted by John at 5:42 PM

 
Spider Man 2

Dad didn't leave... when he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!

Mmmmm summer movies, so needed. So juicy. Spidey 2 is probly the best super hero movie mmm ever. Twas better than its original cause it didnt need to spend time establishing how pete got his powers or why he does what he does, altough it does take a little refresher course on why he needs to b spidey. All in all this leaves more room for super hero mania, while this movie is never flat out crazy actions nonstopping it is also never dulldrum it paints a fine line of entertainment. The fights between the godd doctor and spidey are very fulling although the are few and far between they provide enough of the hardcore action needed to keep this movie a superhero movie. Unlike many movies in the same genre spiderman doesnt have a huge lull between action, u know their isnt any action at this point but u dont seen to mind cause its still entertaining, ulnike lets say the matrix where when their is a slowdown it makes u want to kill yourslef cuse the shit their trying to feed u is just whorendous. This movie is a model on how super hero flicks should be done, it just feels like its missing something. Dont get me wrong this movie is quite satisfying and i doubt it could be better, but in reality it is almost the definition of a summer feel good flick, almost everything in the movie could be predicted, it didnt have the anticipation of what would come next because i was positive of what was comin next.
****/*****


The Terminal

It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body, which, practical as they may be, are evil!

Mediocre! Come on Steven try a little harder please. Your faded dreams of a sitcom transfered onto the silver screen are rarely if ever funny when they try to be and never dramatic. The Terminal is set up in small little episodes that cut away cleanly into the next. Hanks constant search for food and money can be comical but theyre not in the least bit believable. Now this isnt toms fault i blame steve, mr hanks tried so hard too. Not only is this movie unbelevable but it may have one of the worst climax's ever. Its like they just said lets cut our losses and make something up. Dont get me wrong some scenes in this movie were great but the movie as a whole just doesnt cut it. In the end this movie left me wondering why?
**/*****

HAITUS!
posted by John at 5:59 PM